Star-Crossed
by KayyLyn
Summary: It seemed impossible that they grew up in the same neighborhood, yet never really crossed paths until one fateful day. With a toddler on her hip and a fierce look in her eye, Lip found himself wondering about the mysterious woman he only vaguely knew. Fate brought them together, but their lives would soon try to tear them apart.
1. Chapter 1

Raelyn Quinn wasn't your typical college freshman. She always had the odds stacked against her and that didn't change when she was awarded a scholarship to Chicago Polytechnic Institute, instead, it only seemed to complicate things.

Raelyn was the third oldest of nine, the oldest girl and the only one to fight for legal guardianship when their father was arrested on drug charges. Her oldest brother, Matty, wanted nothing to do with the youngest of the pack, having moved out six years prior, the very day he turned eighteen, while Mitch, the second oldest, who had just turned 21, was working three jobs just to keep the lights on. So Raelyn stepped up to plate, taking on the responsibilities of raising six under sixteen as soon as she turned eighteen herself. For the last year, she'd kept the house running without any problems. After graduating high school a year late, she managed to score a scholarship, all while juggling the day to day running of her ever chaotic household.

"Liz, Beth, up, up, up!" She called as she threw open the door that led to the room the four youngest girl's shared. Elizabeth and Bethany were twins, having just turned fifteen. In the bed next to the bunk laid Alanna, who was six, and Nikki, who was two. "You two, too!" She called as she nudged the youngest two. "Rise and shine, it's 7!"

She left the room as the girls started to stir, turning her attention to the room the two youngest boys shared with Mitch. Lukas, who was fourteen and Jayson, who was four, both looked at her with tired eyes.

"Up, up, up, boys!" She sang. She hadn't slept yet, having worked overnight at a local club just to get enough money to get back to school that morning. Despite exhaustion slowly creeping in, she knew she had to keep up the charade just to get all of the kids out of the house and to school on time.

"How are you so damn chipper?" Beth asked as she pushed past her older sister. "Did you even sleep yet?"  
"Not yet," Raelyn shrugged. "I have a 10am class though, so we need to get this show on the road."  
"The car's fixed?" Liz asked, joining the pair in the hall.  
"Milkovich is having her brother take a look at it later," Raelyn sighed. "So if I want to hop the L in time, we need to get a move on."  
"You taking Nikki with you?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  
"Don't have much of a choice," Raelyn murmured. "You and Beth can't miss anymore school and god knows I can't leave her with Luke."  
"Sucks to suck!" Luke teased as he threw on what looked like a clean pair of jeans. "Go, I'll get Jay to school."  
"If I get one phone call that any of you skipped, I'm turning the electric off," Raelyn threatened. The five older kids all nodded, while Nikki clung to Raelyn's leg. Raelyn had full custody of the youngest Quinn kid. Their mother, Melody, had abandoned her when she was only a week old and since she wasn't their father, Rick's child, Raelyn had easily convinced the courts to let her keep custody of the infant. Now that Nikki was two, she was old enough acknowledge Raelyn as the only mom she'll ever know.

"Rae, we already know," Beth scoffed. Despite living their entire lives on the South Side of Chicago, they were all pretty decent kids. Sure, all of them, except for Jayson and Nikki had been in some sort of trouble from time to time, but they always seemed to hold shit together. Mitch always said it was because Rae was born with a natural maternal streak, but Rae strongly believed it was because she'd been raising her siblings since birth more or less. She was four years older than the twins and could still remember changing their diapers and taking care of them soon after they were born, when she was still too little to care for herself yet.

With a quick goodbye to her siblings, Rae scooped up Nikki and made her way to the train station, her bag slung over her shoulder as she hitched the toddler on her hip with ease. She was small for nineteen. She was only five feet, one inch tall, with a thin, yet muscular build. Her light brown hair was always tied back in a messy bun, her face always wearing the tired, yet determined expression. Her piercing blue eyes made her light freckles seem to reflect in the late autumn sunlight.

"Momma?" Nikki asked as they sat on the train. Rae had been reading her textbook aloud to the little girl.  
"Hmm?"  
"What's that word mean?" the toddler asked, pointing to the highlighted word in front of them.  
"Something you wouldn't understand," she chuckled. She knew from the second she laid eyes on the little girl that one day she'd be a genius, but it definitely helped that her bedtime stories were always chapters out of Rae's textbooks. "You're going to be good for my lecture, right?"  
"Yup!" the little girl squealed. Rae had to survive a 90 minute Lit lecture and she wasn't entirely sure if the two year old would stay quiet. That was the only professor that ever gave Rae any kind of problems for bringing the toddler to class, the others were just amazed at how quiet and calm the toddler was.

With only seconds to spare, Rae managed to slip into the lecture hall just as her professor was about to begin. As soon as they locked eyes, she knew she was going to hear about it.

"Miss Quinn, how nice of you to join us today," she snarled, her vicious smile telling Rae not to make herself comfortable. "I see you brought your side kick again today."  
"You know my situation," Rae said coolly, not at all phased by the woman's harsh tone.  
"And you are fully aware that I don't allow _children_ in my class," she hissed. "You may as well turn around now."  
"I _need_ this course and you know it," Rae sighed. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. She hated being put on the spot like this. " _Please_."  
"Better luck next semester," the professor said with a snarky tone. Rae felt her heart skip a beat. She knew she was failing the course, but she was fighting tooth and nail to get that grade back up. Suddenly, an idea hit her. She shifted her weight and pulled an old fashioned tape recorder out of her bag. She scanned the room, looking for someone she knew had a free block after that class. Her eyes landed on Phillip Gallagher. They had several classes together. They even lived on the same street, only a few houses apart. Despite that, they never really seemed to cross paths too often. Rae barely went to school before college, always seeming to be able to pass with just turning in work and Phillip was always off doing something reckless.

"Stay put," Rae muttered to Nikki as she set her down. The toddler waited patiently as Harleigh moved through the rows of students, stopping directly in front of his seat. "Twenty bucks if you record the lecture for me," she hissed impatiently.  
"Uh, yeah, sure," he sputtered, taken back by her offer. He studied her for a moment, not only caught off guard, but finding himself recognizing her from somewhere. It wasn't until the lecture was almost over that he realized she lived on his street. He'd always wondered about the quiet girl who never seemed to make an appearance. He took the recorder from her, his eyes noting how tired she looked. She smelled of flowers mixed with a hint of tobacco and alcohol, a combination that somehow seemed to suit her. She wore an oversized sweatshirt and a ripped, stained pair of jeans. He could tell she had that natural bitchy attitude, but he also noticed how she seemed to have another side to her.

Lip didn't know what it was about her, but something made him want to know her.

"I'll be in the hall after," she said with a nod. Without another word, she skipped down the row of students again, this time throwing a glare in the professor's direction. The professor was speechless. She hadn't expected Rae to have a plan.

Without any hesitation, she picked up the toddler and left the lecture hall, a satisfied smirk on her lips as she laid out her textbooks in front of her, Nikki resting in her lap. She wasn't fazed by the turn of events. She was used to having to teach herself nearly everything she knew. It almost made college a waste of time, but she knew if she ever wanted to get out of the life she was given, she'd have to stick it out, even if it meant struggling every single day to get by.

While she scribbled down some notes on what she was reading, her mind wandered back to Phillip. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd actually keep up his end of the deal. While she only knew him and his family from passing, she found herself wondering what he was like. She'd heard rumors about how smart he was, despite being from a family similar to her own. She wondered what he was really like, if the slutty, man whore who scored a perfect score on his SATs had a side most didn't know. Little did she know she would soon find out.

* * *

 **A/N - Due to writers block on my other story, I've decided to try out a different method this time around. That being said, this will loosely follow the series, starting in season 4. To clarify a few characters, I'm going to list them below so it's easier to follow along. After a while, certain siblings will start to have bigger and smaller roles, so I figured this would keep things simple for everyone.**

 **Mathew (Matty) - Oldest - Male - 24  
Mitchel (Mitch) - Second - Male - 21  
Raelyn (Rae) - Third - Female - 19  
Elizabeth (Liz) and Bethany (Beth) - Fourth and Fifth - Female - 15  
Lukas (Luke) - Sixth - 14  
Alanna (Al) - Seventh - 6  
Jayson (Jay) - Eighth - 4  
Nikki - Ninth - 2**

 **Rick - Father of everyone except for Nikki  
Melody - Mother of all nine**

 **As always, any and all feedback is much appreciated. I promise, I'm going to do my best to make this a story worth reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Rae was scribbling down notes at record speed, Nikki curled up awkwardly in her lap, her textbook propped against the wall, as Lip approached her. He studied her for a moment, admiring her determination. Rae felt eyes on her and glanced up, carefully shifting the sleeping toddler onto the sweatshirt she had lying beside her.

"Thanks," she said as he handed her the recorder. She dug deeply into her pocket, pulling out a handful of small bills and change. After quickly counting out the bills, she handed him the twenty dollars she promised. "I appreciate it."  
"All I did was hit a button," Lip shrugged.  
"Still," Rae smiled. "Thanks for the help, Phillip."  
"Lip," he corrected her. "Don't you live on my street?"  
"Yeah, like four houses down," Rae shrugged. "Lived there the last ten years."  
"Why haven't I ever seen you before?" he asked. Something about her intrigued him. He couldn't put his finger on it.  
"You raise six kids and tell me you have time to socialize," Rae said, though her tone was not bitter. She never once resented the kids. She might have had to step up to the mom role a lot younger than most, but she never once regretted her decision to do so.  
"Yeah, yeah, makes sense," Lip deadpanned. He felt like he was prying and he hadn't meant to. "See ya around."

Rae watched as he turned to walk away. She wanted to stop him, but she wasn't sure if she should. Against her better judgement, she ran after him, one eye still locked on her sleeping sister.

"Wait up!"

Lip turned to look at her, not sure what she wanted.

"Let me give you my number, just in case you want to get together and study or something," she said hesitantly.  
"Yeah, yeah, okay," Lip sputtered. He hadn't expected her to be so bold. She scribbled her number down before handing it to him, her eyes glistening against the florescent hallway lights.  
"See you around, Lip," she said, her smile making his heart skip a beat.

She walked back to where her books and sister were sprawled on the floor and began picking them up. Without another thought, Lip turned and walked away. Hours later, when he was boning Helene', he found himself thinking about the quiet, yet fiery woman he'd met earlier.

* * *

It was just after Rae's last class, she had a very sleepy toddler on her hip as she shoved her books into her bag for the last time that day. It was nearly six and all she wanted was to hop the L and get home in time to get a couple hours of sleep before she had to make it to her midnight shift at the club. She was about to pass through the hallway that led to the cafeteria when she saw her younger brothers and sister running towards her, a frantic look on their faces.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed, shifting her weight so she could embrace a teary eyed Jayson. "How'd you get here?"  
"Mitch brought us," Luke said breathlessly. "He's in the van with Beth. Rick hurt Lizzy," he continued, trying to catch his breath. "He showed up at the school and hurt her!"  
"Okay, take your sister, I'll be there in five minutes," Rae said sternly. "Go on, tell Mitch I won't be long."  
"Where are you going?" Luke demanded.  
"I need someone to get this paper in for me," she said quickly. She always passed Lip on her way out – he was normally leaving his last class around the same time.

Once she was sure her brother could handle the youngest of the pack, she ran down the hallway, nearly colliding with Lip in the process.

"Looks like I keep racking up the favors today," she muttered breathlessly, her hands digging for the essay she had spent the better part of the day writing. "Can you turn this in for me? Professor O'Bryan, psychology building," she huffed.  
"Yeah, yeah, sure," he nodded, confused. He knew she had to pass that building to get to the train station. "You okay?"  
"You know how it is," she sighed. He wasn't a stranger to the hard life. She knew his family wasn't a cookie cutter, white picket fence, all American family either. They lived only a handful of houses apart. They both had been witness to the other's unfortunate situations in the past. "If I don't make it to lit tomorrow, can I hunt you down for your notes?"  
"Yeah, okay," he said, still staring at her with an expression she couldn't quite place. He wanted to ask her if she needed his help, but something told him the fiery brunette had it under control.

She ran back the way she came, her hair flying behind her like a cape. Lip watched as she disappeared in the sea of students, before glancing down at the essay in his hand. He didn't know she was taking Psych.

Rae made it outside in record time, locating the beaten up van with ease. Mitch and Rae shared the van, often using it to carpool the kids to and from school. She wasn't the least bit surprised that one of the Milkovich boys got it running again. Terry was an awful father, but he taught his boys to be useful.

"How bad?" she asked breathlessly as she slid into the passenger seat. Beth was staring blankly ahead while Al was clinging to Luke, sobbing bitterly. "Mitchel, how bad?"  
"Really bad, Rae, really bad," he said, his voice hitching. "We…we need to go."

Rae cursed under her breath, then nudged her brother. "Switch."

Mitch bobbed his head, shoving the door open, his hands trembling. After a moment to get situated, Rae started the van, her mind racing a mile a minute. It took a lot to shake Mitch up, a lot to make him freeze like that. She could only imagine what she was driving into.

From across the lot, Lip watched as Rae traded seats with her brother, who looked like he'd seen a ghost. He couldn't help but wonder what was going on. He made the decision then that later, he would text Rae to find out if she was okay. He didn't know why, but he felt like that was something he should do.

Rae tore out of the parking lot, not paying any mind to the line of cars she cut off. Her tires screeched as she crossed the lines, pulling onto the road with little problem. It would take nearly an hour to reach the hospital if Rae drove the speed limit. She had zero intentions of that – her hope was the make it there in under a half hour. And that she did. When they made their way into the waiting room, Rae immediately knew something was very, very wrong. Their social worker, an angry woman with a bitter glare, was waiting for them, her arms crossed in front of her chest, her face set. Rae felt herself pull the youngest four closer to her. She'd been down that road before. She had zero intentions of letting any of those kids go again, no matter how bad things got.

"Took you long enough," she said in the same monotone voice she used the last time the family had seen her. "Care to tell me what the hell happened?"


	3. Chapter 3

Rae listened while Beth told the social worker and the police officer who had joined them what had happened and how it had happened. Luke had some of his information mixed up when he first told Raelyn what had happened. Rick hadn't shown up at the school, he had shown up at the house, just moments before the twins had rounded the corner. Lizzy was always willing to give their father another chance, despite the harsh reality of his actions, she was just that kind of person. She chose to see the good in people, even when there wasn't any good to be seen.

Rae knew that Lukas and the younger two, Alanna and Jayson, were never home before five – Luke often brought them to the playground after school, so they could run off some of their pent up energy. Even though the playground was far from safe, Rae knew Luke always had eyes on the pair so she didn't stress it.

Lizzy and Beth always got home just after three, especially if they carpooled with some of the kids a few blocks over, something Rae wasn't fond of, but learned to accept. They were in high school, after all, she had to trust they had good enough sense not to get into cars with people they shouldn't.

Rae paced as Beth went on, stating how Lizzy insisted on staying outside to talk to Rick while Beth went in to put the chicken in the oven for dinner. Beth insisted she was only gone for a half hour, having decided to pull out the ingredients needed to make soup, since they had to stretch what they had until the following week. Rae tensed. A lot can happen in a half hour. Raelyn of all people knew that.

Beth said she heard a commotion outside, so she naturally ran out to investigate. That was when she saw Rick pull Lizzy into the back of a car, all while Lizzy was screaming, begging for him to stop. The car pulled away before Beth could do anything to stop them.

"How did you find them?" The officer asked patiently.

Beth looked at Rae with tear-filled eyes.

"I didn't. Rae's friend pulled up to drop off the van and we followed the car instead," she said carefully. Rae gave her a strict nod. They could not, under any circumstances, give out the Milkovich's names.  
"Who was fixing your van today?" the social worker asked impatiently.  
"Something Smith," Rae shrugged, lying smoothly. "I didn't bother getting a name. I needed the piece of shit running again, he cut me a deal, so I told him to drop it off when it was done."  
"You got in the car with a stranger?" she directed her question to Beth.  
"My sister was in danger," Beth said sternly. "I'm not an idiot, I knew I was safe."

Beth continued on with what happened next. It didn't take them long to find Lizzy. Rick had dumped her at the side of the road, under one of the underpasses known for drive-bys and drugs. When they reached her, her face was beaten to a pulp, her arms riddled with bruises, her jeans around her knees.

Rae felt her heart shatter. The hallway suddenly felt far too small. Sucking in a deep, panicked breath, she listened as Beth continued.

Beth and the other person got Lizzy in the car and drove to the hospital as fast as they could, only stopping long enough to pick up the youngest three at the park on their way. Mitch, thankfully, had a job close to the hospital, so when Beth called him to tell him what happened, he met them at the entrance to the hospital. Once Lizzy was checked in and they were told to wait, Mitch made the decision to pick up Rae. The rest, Rae already knew.

"If you can think of anything else, please let me know," the officer said as he nodded his goodbye. The social worker, on the other hand, was not as gentle.

"I'll be in touch, Raelyn. You already know the hoops I had to jump through to reward you guardianship of these children, I am beginning to wonder if I have made a mistake," she said sternly. "I understand this is a difficult time for you, but this is inexcusable."

Rae stared at her in disbelief. How was any of this her fault? Beth and Liz were nearly sixteen, they were old enough to make rational decisions. This was just one of those unfortunate situations that happened to people like them.

"Are we gonna get taken away again?" Al asked, hugging Rae's leg. Rae looked down at her and shook her head quickly.  
"Not over my dead body," she murmured. Once the social worker was gone, Mitch made his way over to the nurses station to get an update while Rae ushered the younger siblings over to a group of chairs. Jayson and Nikki were still teary-eyed messes, while Luke held onto Al's hand, his face showing no emotion. Beth sat down heavily, her thin frame shaking with silent tears. Rae needed air, she couldn't wrap her head around what she had just listened to.

"They won't let us see her," Mitch said as he approached them. "They said she needs surgery, something about a brain bleed." He sat down heavily, his face pale. Rae let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding, her hands shaking as she nodded slowly.

"Bethany, who brought the van back?" Rae asked softly, kneeling in front of her sister.  
"Mandy and Mickey," she said with a broken, defeated voice. "Mandy said to call her later."  
"Yeah, I guessed," Rae nodded. Rae was grateful, yet again, that her friendship with Mandy proved to save the day. "I-I need to get some air," she said finally. Mitch looked up at her, giving her a quizzical look. Rae was the martyr of the family – she would always put her family first. It worried him that she needed to step away. Rae rarely ever stepped away in chaos. She embraced it in a way only she could. "I'll be right outside."

Rae left her siblings for all of ten minutes, long enough to smoke a cigarette and collect her thoughts. Rick was a monster, having molested and raped all of the older girls, short of Nikki. Rae had made it clear after Al that Rick was to never step foot under their roof again. She didn't care what she had to do to make that possible. In the end, her and Mitch had collectively refinanced the run-down three bedroom home and gotten the mortgage under their names. It had taken them months to finalize everything, but the day Rae turned eighteen, the house was put under her and Mitch's names.

She made it back to the waiting area in time to see their sister's doctors approaching, grim expressions on their faces.

"For Elizabeth Quinn?" the smaller, female doctor called. The seven siblings rose to their feet. Nikki was in Beth's arms, Jayson clung to Luke, his eyes red from crying, Mitch stood slumped, his hands buried deep in his pockets with Al standing close beside him. Rae moved to the front of the pack, her arms crossed in front of her. "Please, have a seat," she said softly, motioning for the large group to sit down.

"Can we speak to her parent or guardian?" the male doctor asked, his tone stern. Rae shuddered. For once, she wished Mitch could take the lead. Rae stepped forward, her heart in her throat.

"I'm her sister," she said cautiously. "Raelyn."  
"Follow us," the male doctor motioned.  
"Whatever you have to say can be said in front of all of us," Rae said softly, her tone stern, like a mother making her point known.  
"We did everything we could," the female doctor blurted out, her eyes welling with tears. "We did everything we could…"

The male doctor shot her a disgusted look before turning back to the family in front of him. In silence, he watched as seven lives were changed forever. As seven worlds were turned upside down.

Mitch's sob broke the silence first. His normally strong, stern expression crumbled, his shoulders sagging in a way Raelyn never saw before. Beth let out a desperate moan, Nikki slipping out of her grip as the pair sank to the floor, sobs rippling through them. Luke hugged Jayson and Alanna tightly, his normally cold eyes showing nothing but anguish.

Raelyn stared blankly ahead, her heart seeming to skip a beat, as if what she just heard wasn't real. She blinked, unable to find words to comfort her broken siblings. The room suddenly started spinning. She felt like she was drunk and stoned and insanely sick all at the same time. She took a step towards the wall, forcing her legs to steady themselves. Slowly, she sank to the floor, her eyes staring vacantly ahead.

The doctors waited patiently, allowing the news to sink in. Several painfully long minutes passed before Rae looked up at them, wondering why they were still there.

The male doctor coughed before nodding his head. "You may see her…say your goodbyes, if you'd like…"

One by one, the siblings forced themselves to rise to their feet. All except Raelyn, who refused to get up even when Mitch begged her to. She shook her head, motioning for them to go without her.

"Rae, c'mon," Luke pleaded. "You have to say goodbye to Lizzy," his voice hitched.  
"I…" Rae looked up at her brother, her heart shattering as she read his expression. Luke was too young to remember the last time Rae had to say goodbye to someone she loved. It was Beth who reminded them why Rae wouldn't move.  
"Rae can't," Beth said softly, her tone solemn. "Katrina, remember?"

Mitch cursed under his breath. He had forgotten about Katrina and how her death effected his younger sister. Katrina, Mandy and Raelyn had been friends since they were Jayson's age. They grew up together, looked out for each other, and did just about everything together. Until Katrina was killed in a car accident the girl's freshman year of high school. Rae shut down for a long time after that. She never truly got over seeing her best friend, pale and dead in a hospital bed. He suddenly found himself worrying about where Rae's head was at, despite the fact he knew he was in no shape to comfort her.

"Call Mandy," Mitch instructed halfheartedly. If anyone could help her, it was Mandy Milkovich. "I'll deal with…yeah, call Mandy." Mitch couldn't get his words out straight.

"I…" Rae stood up suddenly, all of it too much for her. She bolted, tears threatening to choke what little air was left in her lungs out. She ran, despite her brother's frantic cries for her to wait.

"Let her go," Beth said softly, her voice barely audible. "She…this…no one saw this coming."  
"But I…" Mitch wanted to argue but it fell on deaf ears. The younger siblings had already turned to follow the doctors down the white walled hallway, sniffling as they cried the entire way. Mitch cursed and hurried after them, unsure of what was to come next. How do you comfort three kids under ten who are facing death for the first time? How do you comfort an already troubled teenage boy? How do you comfort the twin sister? How do you keep yourself sane when the rock of the family just up and disappeared? This wasn't Mitch's role. He was the provider. Rae was the mother hen. He couldn't do what she did to make everyone feel safe and loved and heard. He suddenly found himself hating Raelyn for leaving, even though deep down, he knew she needed a moment to accept everything. Raelyn was an amazing sister, a better mother to those kids than their mother ever was. He knew Rae wouldn't be gone for long. She couldn't abandon them when they needed her most, could she? All these thoughts and more kept Mitch from losing his composure when he entered the quiet, dimly lit hospital room. One by one, he watched as his younger siblings hugged Lizzy's pale body, their fingers lacing into hers' one last time. He waited until they all backed away, each lost in their own grief. He approached the bed slowly, his eyes tracing her features. His eyes lingering on the scar above her right eye, the first of many scars their father would inflict on her. A scar he should have been able to protect her from. He felt a lump form in his throat as he kissed her forehead, wishing, praying, she'd just open her eyes and tell them she was alright. But she never did.

After several long, painful moments, the doctor gently ushered them out of the room, her face sharing the heartbroken expression the Quinn kids wore. Mitch gently nudged all of them in the general direction of the exit, not a word exchanged between any of them as they made their way to the parking lot.

The ride home was equally silent. Once there, the six of them piled into the living room, none wanting to talk, but none wanting to be alone. It wasn't until Nikki broke the silence that any of them so much as looked up.

"Where's momma?" Nikki asked, looking around the room.  
"You mean Rae?" Jayson asked, his voice raspy. Nikki nodded her blonde head.  
"Where she go?" she asked. Everyone turned to look at Mitch, who was rubbing his hands over his face with frustration.  
"She'll be back soon," he said softly. "I promise." _She better fucking be,_ he thought tiredly. He couldn't do this without her.

He picked up his phone and shot her an urgent text.

 _Rae – the fuck did you go? Call me._

Raelyn stood at the edge of the bridge, her heart hammering in her chest as she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She spared a glance at the text message. It was from Mitch. She hesitated, wondering if she should reply, but decided against it. Why bother?

The wind rushed around her, reminding her of how dangerously close to the edge she was standing. She wanted to let go of the railing, let the icy water below carry her off until she couldn't fight the current any longer. But she wouldn't jump. Suicide was for cowards and despite everything Raelyn was feeling, she was no coward. She was simply waiting for her ride. She was letting the adrenaline wash over her, keeping her mind from focusing on the tragedy, keeping her mind from wandering to a darker, scarier place.

After nearly an hour, she heard the familiar hum of the car Mickey often drove. She looked up, her body swaying slightly with the wind.

"Jesus fucking Christ Quinn, death wish?" he grumbled as he pulled up beside the railing, his eyes locking on hers.  
"No," she said, sliding back to the safe side of the railing with ease. "Took long enough."  
"The fuck you expect? You woke me up," he shrugged. Rae rolled her eyes before slipping into the passenger seat. "Why'd you call me anyway?" he asked, his tongue in his cheek. The pair was never close. She grew up with Mandy and he saw a lot of her back then, but they never got close. They'd fucked a few times and she knew he had her back if she ever really needed it, but that was about as far as the friendship went.  
"Just drive," Rae said coarsely. Mickey studied her for a moment, trying to piece together what led to her calling him of all people. "Holy shit, is that sister of yours okay?" he asked suddenly, remembering what happened earlier. _Why didn't she call Mandy?_ He thought.  
"She's dead," Rae said, her tone straight, emotionless. "She's fucking dead."

Mickey thumbed at his lip, unsure as to what to say. He finally understood why Rae had called him. Mickey didn't do feelings, he didn't do comforting. She knew that. She knew if she called him, he wouldn't try to make her feel better.

"Where to?" he asked carefully. Quite frankly, he wasn't sure he was comfortable driving with her sitting next to him looking like a damn zombie.  
"Alibi. I need to forget today ever fucking happened," she said, her expression still blank. Mickey had to admit, he wasn't used to Rae being like this. Rae was one of the rare gems left in the world. She was a badass who could carry her own, but she was kind and caring in a way he rarely saw anymore. She was one of a kind and if it wasn't for the fact that he was insane about Ian, he probably would have tried to get in her pants more often. She could make you feel great about yourself, even if you were the world's biggest asshole.

Mickey said nothing as he turned down the next street he saw, making his way towards the Alibi Room. He wasn't entirely sure if taking Rae to a bar was a good idea, but hell, it beat her standing on the edge of a damn bridge. He made a mental note to call Mandy as soon as he got her to the bar. Mandy was better at dealing with Rae's emotions than he was. He knew from experience that her mood could change on a dime, especially after she's had a few drinks.

Rae looked at her phone as it buzzed again. This time it was Lukas begging her to come home. As it buzzed again, Rae cursed under her breath and ripped the battery out of the back of it. She couldn't be their hero. She had to get her head back right before she could go back to being the damn mother of children she didn't birth.

Suddenly, Rae wished she could take all of her frustration out of her mother, the whore who kept abandoning her kids just to pop out more. Rae hated her mother almost as much as she hated Rick. Rae's expression changed as they neared the bar. She knew she couldn't hold onto that hate. Hate led to risky decisions. Rae knew that.

"Thanks for the ride," she muttered as she shoved the door open before Mickey could even completely stop the car.  
"Uh, sure," Mickey deadpanned. He knew he wasn't leaving yet. He didn't need her doing something stupid on his conscious. Instead, he parked the car and cursed under his breath as he followed her into the dimly lit bar, once more wondering how he kept getting mixed up in everyone else's problems. He sat down a few stools down from where Rae sat, hoping she wouldn't notice how he casually followed her. She didn't. She ordered several shots, downing them one after another until Kev told her to breathe. Mickey watched as she shook her head and unloaded everything she had been bottling up to Kev and V, who listened with sympathetic expressions. _Good, maybe I won't need to babysit much longer,_ Mickey thought to himself. He had enough to worry about, he didn't need this too.

A few blocks away, Mitch was tucking the youngest siblings in for the night, kissing each of them on the forehead before turning off the lights. Beth was sitting on the couch downstairs still, her face and eyes red and puffy from crying.

"All tucked in," Mitch said emotionlessly. "You should get some sleep."  
"Not till Rae comes home," Beth said stubbornly. If she was being honest, she just needed to know everyone was under one roof, safe and together.  
"Rae'll be home, you'll see," Mitch said softly. "Wake me up if you need me," Mitch said, stifling a yawn. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep, especially with Rae not answering their calls or texts, but he knew he needed to get some rest. They were in for a long couple of weeks, and he knew he had to be prepared for the fallout. "I love you Bethany," he called over his shoulder.

"You too, Mitch," she replied, though her tone held no emotion. Beth was a strong, bright girl. Mitch knew this was killing her, just as it was killing the rest of them, but Beth was going to be okay. They all were. They were all going to get through this tragedy. Eventually. They had to, that was what Quinn's did. They coped. They adapted. They recovered. They survived.


	4. Chapter 4

"Jesus Christ, Mickey, where'd you find her?" Mandy's panicked voice echoed in Raelyn's head. The last thing she remember was downing enough alcohol to knock an elephant out before calling back the last call in her phone. She had no idea who she drunk dialed, but she didn't care, the person was nice, whoever he was. Now she laid sprawled out in the Milkovich's bathroom, a worried Mandy hovering over her.  
"Alibi," Mickey shrugged. "She's too plastered to go home though."  
"Jesus Christ," Mandy murmured again, pushing Rae's hair out of her face. "So Lizzy didn't make it?"

Mickey thumbed his lips before shaking his head. When he saw Rae get up to leave, barely able to keep herself upright, he had made the stupid decision to bring her home, just because he didn't need her ending up dead somewhere on his mind. He shook his head again before throwing Mandy a hopeless glare. "She's your problem now."

Mandy nodded without missing a beat. Raelyn was one of her closest friends. They'd both taken care of the other after a bender before, so she wasn't the least bit upset. Instead, she rolled up a towel under Rae's head and retrieved a blanket from her bedroom, draping it gently over Rae's body.

"Does her brother know where she is?" Mandy asked in a hushed tone as she followed Mickey out of the cramped bathroom.  
"Hell if I know," he grunted. He retreated to his own room, the events of the last few hours nagging at him. Mickey found himself missing Ian more than he cared to admit. Ian would have known what to do in that situation. Mickey tried Ian's phone for the millionth time since he disappeared, but it went straight to voicemail, just like it always did.

Mandy sighed and dialed the all too familiar number. Someone answered on the first ring.

"Rae?" Mitch's worried voice asked.  
"No, Mandy," Mandy said with a knowing smile. "She's with me, Mitch, I've got her," she said kindly. "I am so sorry for your loss."  
"Is she…Mandy, is she like last time?" Mitch asked hesitantly. He knew Katrina was a difficult topic for either girl to talk about.  
"I don't know, Mitch," Mandy said with a heavy sigh. "Mickey brought her home, she's plastered."  
"Fuck," Mitch moaned. Rea was the drinker of the family, she could hold her booze better than most grown men, but Mitch knew she never let herself get too plastered. She was more responsible than that. It didn't surprise him that she drank herself numb that night. If he was being honest, he'd have done the same if he didn't currently have four little kids crowded around him in bed and Bethany sitting awake at the foot of it. "When she sobers up, tell her to come home. The funeral's in two days. She needs to be there."  
"She'll be there," Mandy promised. "Hey Mitch?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Go easy on her, okay? Those kids, they're like her own. She's hurting more than you can begin to imagine right now," Mandy said gently. Next to Nikki, Lizzy was Rae's favorite sibling. She was closer to Rae than the others and always helped with the youngest siblings without hesitation. Mandy knew losing her was going to be the hardest thing she'd ever have to overcome.  
"They need their big sister," Mitch said tiredly. "Beth won't sleep until she comes home."  
"I'll do what I can," Mandy promised without missing a beat, "But Mitch, she needs some time. Did she…did she get to say goodbye?"  
"She refused to," Mitch murmured. "Said she couldn't…"  
"Not after Kat, right," Mandy nodded to herself. "I'll have her call you when she wakes up," Mandy added. "G'night Mitch."

They hung up and Mandy returned to the bathroom in time to find Mickey holding Rae's hair out of her face, a frustrated look plastered on his normally sour mug.

"Thought you had her," he muttered as he helped keep Rae from falling over. "She almost choked."  
"I had to let her family know where she was," Mandy sighed, taking over so Mickey could piss in the bath tub. That was why he originally made his way to the bathroom in the first place.  
"Never saw her like this before," Mickey commented as he looked down at the pale, swaying woman at his feet.  
"She's always so strong for everyone else," Mandy murmured as she shifted Rae's weight so she was lying her head in her lap now. "She can't always be the hero."  
"This blows," Mickey muttered. He sat down, his back against the tub. The bathroom was tiny in every respect, but Mickey didn't really want to leave his sister to deal with Rae alone. As much as he didn't want to be bothered with anyone else's problems, he had to admit – Rae was like family to him too.  
"Lizzy was the nicest person I ever met," Mandy sighed heavily. "Remember when she lifted you a pair of sneakers when we were kids? She couldn't have been more than eight. Walked right out of payless with them like she was the shit."  
"Yeah," Mickey chuckled. Growing up, him and Mandy went without a lot, just like most of the kids in their neighborhood. Rae was watching the twins one day when Mickey's sneakers fell completely apart. The next day, Lizzy showed up with a new pair and gave them to him, her bright eyes dancing with glee. She felt so accomplished that she managed to help someone else, even though her own family was struggling to keep the lights on.

The pair thought back to all the times Rae and her siblings had come through for them in the past. When Mandy and Lip split up, Lizzy was right there to listen while Mandy went on and on for hours. Rae would help clean up after every single one of Terry's rampages, no matter what was going on in her own life. Beth, the colder of the two twins, often helped Mickey get out of binds, providing him with believable alibis whenever she could. Even Mitch helped them out from time to time. Even bailed Mickey out of jail once when he was caught shoplifting.

The Milkovichs weren't known for setting down roots. None of them were good at keeping friends for long, but the Quinns, well they were different. Their family was just as fucked up as theirs was and they had the same 'at arm's length' approach when it came to friendships. Mickey couldn't help but feel sorry for them. Losing people sucked.

As the night progressed, Mickey and Mandy took turns holding Rae's hair until she was finally sobered up. Early into the next morning, Rae nudged Mandy awake, her legs entangled in the heap of limbs sprawled across the bathroom floor.

"You're alive," Mandy murmured with a slight smile.  
"Unfortunately," Rae sighed. "How long was I out?"  
"All night," she replied, shifting her weight so Rae could stand up. "Jesus Christ, you need a shower, you stink."  
"Yeah, yeah," Rae muttered, "My brother know where I am?"  
"Yeah," Mandy nodded. She stood, stretching the stiffness out of her back. "Mickey brought you here around eleven, I called Mitch as soon as I was sure you weren't gonna die."  
"Tell 'im thanks," Rae muttered as she quietly stumbled out of the bathroom, her legs stiff. She collected her coat from the back of the couch and left the Milkovich house without another word. Mandy watched her go, her heart heavy. She could see the pain in her best friend's eyes, but she didn't dare press the matter. Rae would talk when she was ready to, but pressuring her before that would only make her retreat further into her own world.

Rae made it back to her house just in time to be greeted by nosy neighbors bearing various casseroles. Lizzy was popular in the neighborhood, known for helping everyone and anyone she could. Even though they lived in a shitty part of Chicago and crime riddled their neighborhood like flies on shit, there were still good people around. Rae waved to Fiona, Lip's older sister, as she pushed past the group of people sharing memories with Beth, who looked overwhelmed.

"Take some of this home with you," Rae muttered as she picked Nikki up. Nikki crinkled her nose as soon as she caught wind of her sister.  
"Yucky! You stink!" She squealed.  
"Gee, thanks kid," Rae chuckled. She set Nikki back down, grateful that the little girl didn't look too freaked out by the amount of people crowding into their already crowded house.  
"No way," Fiona chuckled. "You guys need it."  
"We don't need eight tuna casseroles," Lukas groaned from him perch on the stairs. "Why do people insist on bringing food when someone dies anyway? Beer would be so much better."  
"Food's easier than deadpanning every time they forget what to say," Mitch muttered as he descended down the steps. "Jesus Christ, Raelyn, you look like shit, Mouth's been looking for you," he said as he pushed past her to talk to one of his buddies from work.  
"Mouth?" Luke looked confused.

Fiona gave Rae a nudge. "Pretty sure he meant Lip," she said softly, just loud enough for Rae to hear. "You drunk dialed him last night, he took the L in to see if you were okay, but your phone's been off."  
"Shit," Rae blushed.  
"I didn't know you two were friends," Fiona chided. Fiona and Rae weren't exactly close, but her younger sister, Debbie, baby sat for Rae every now and then, and when they had the day care thing going that past summer, Rae often left Jayson and Nikki with them so she could work.  
"We aren't, exactly," Rae blushed deeper. "I kind of needed his help yesterday with a class and he must have called me at some point."  
"He said you call him?" Fiona stated, a smile playing on her lips. Fiona genuinely liked Rae. She reminded her a lot of herself. She was surprised Lip and Rae never really talked, considering they lived only a few houses down, but she understood it too. Rae put her life on hold for the kids, just like she had.  
"He here?" Rae asked, looking around. Rae was frustrated with the amount of people crowding into the house. She had forgotten that with so many kids, came a lot of friends and acquaintances.  
"Last time I saw him, he was helping your sister get the food put away," Fiona said softly. "If you need a break from the chaos here, our door's open," she added with a genuine smile. She could see Rae getting overwhelmed. Rae nodded her thanks and walked towards the kitchen, which looked like a damn reception exploded in it.

She stood in the doorway and watched quietly as Lip read a book to Jayson and Alanna, who were holding onto every word he said. From where she stood, she could see he was reading to them from one of the required books for Lit. Rae would have laughed if the sight didn't warm her heart so damn much. She had almost forgotten that Lip grew up with four younger siblings.

"Rae! You're home!" Al squealed as soon as she saw her oldest sister watching. "I like Lip, he reads and isn't a jerk like Mickey!"  
"Always so honest, eh?" Rae chuckled as she came into the kitchen. Nikki must have followed her, because a moment later, she felt the tiny toddler wrap her arms around her leg.  
"Where's 'Izzy?" Nikki asked innocently. "She missing party!"

Suddenly the kitchen fell silent. All eyes were on Rae as she gawked at the toddler, unsure how to explain what had happened to a two year old. From his seat at the table, Jayson looked at Rae with sad eyes.  
"Yeah, Rae, when's sissy coming home?" he hadn't called Liz sissy in ages. Rae felt her heart break as she looked at her youngest siblings. She scooped Nikki up, cradling her close to her chest, her eyes watering, but the tears never fell.  
"Guys, Lizzy got hurt really, really bad yesterday," Rae said slowly, her eyes locking on a spot on the wall. "Lizzy isn't coming home."  
"Why not?" Jayson asked, his voice rising an octave.  
"Lizzy's…" Rae took a deep breath, struggling to find words to explain what she was trying to say.  
"Guys, Lizzy's gone," Lip said softly. He looked at Rae with pained eyes. "She's asleep and isn't waking up."  
"Like Mittens?" Al asked, referring to the cat they had a few months prior that got hit by a car one morning. "We're gonna put her in the ground like Mittens?"  
"Yeah," Rae nodded slowly. "She's with Mittens."  
"Okay," Nikki said with a slight smile. "She liked mitt'in" she added with a gleeful laugh. Rae couldn't help but laugh at Nikki's innocence. She was grateful the youngest of the pack could find peace with their sister's passing.  
"I miss her," Jay said, tears welling in his dark eyes. "Beth misses her too."  
"We all miss her, Jay," Rae said softly. "But you know what? Lizzy, well Lizzy was a ray of sunshine in this dark, gloomy house. We have to keep that memory alive, you hear?"  
The two older kids nodded while Rae sat Nikki down on the table. "Want to color pictures for Lizzy? I think she'd love that."

Once she found a pack of crayons and some scrap paper for the youngest siblings to color on, she nudged Lip and motioned for him to follow her outside.

"Thank you," she said softly as she lit a cigarette, her hands shaking just slightly.  
"For what?" Lip asked as he lit one of his own. Lip watched her with careful eyes. He'd just met her, yet already their lives seemed to be overlapping. He thought back to the night before, when Rae called him and said so many different things his head was so scrambled, by the time they'd hung up, he wasn't even sure if the conversation happened.  
"For being here. For coming into my life when I needed a friend," she said with a shrug. She didn't know what else to say. She barely knew Lip, yet in that short moment, he managed to show her a side of him she didn't know existed. A side other than the drunk, angry, sex-addicted prick she thought he was. The side even Mandy didn't know. The side that actually gave a fuck about people.


	5. Chapter 5

"Rae, we've got a problem," Luke said urgently, breaking up Lip and Rae's conversation. They were going over something from lit. Lip was just trying to keep Rae's mind off everything for a while.  
"What's up?" Rae asked, looking up from the textbook in front of her.  
"Mom's here," he said in a hushed tone. "She's got Jay and Al."  
"Excuse me?" Rae said, her voice rising as she pushed herself up from her seat. "Melody's here?"  
"Yeah," he nodded, his eyes catching the furious look that formed on Rae's face.  
"Get the crowbar," she growled as she pushed her way through the small handful of Mitch's friends who still lingered long after everyone else left. Mitch was standing against the wall, chatting idly with Melody. He looked almost relieved to see her.

"Raelyn, my beautiful, brilliant daughter! I didn't know you were here!" She exclaimed as soon as she caught sight of her oldest daughter. Rae saw Nikki run towards the kitchen and silently prayed that Lip could snatch her before the wicked woman saw the youngest of the pack. "Getting _my_ littles killed one at a time I hear!"  
"Mother!" Mitch growled, his eyes flashing for only a moment.  
"Still a momma's boy?" Rae growled at her brother, her hands balling into fists. "The fuck are you doing here, _Melody_?"  
"Well, I caught wind that **you** got my lovely Elizabeth killed and I had to drop in to save the rest of my darling children," Melody said, her squeaky voice like nails on a chalkboard.  
"The fuck did you just say to me?" Raelyn growled, taking a step towards her estranged mother. "Did you seriously just accuse _me_ of getting Lizzy killed?"  
"You're supposed to be caring for them, aren't you?" Melody taunted in the sing-song voice that drove Raelyn crazy. " _You_ decided to play mommy, well mommy dearest, seems you're losing your shit around here, look at this place!" She waved her hand around. "These darlings would have been better in foster care! You're running a damn circus around here! Don't think I don't know about your little night job. You fucking whore!"

Rae sputtered, unable to find words to express the anger she felt bubbling in her chest. She caught sight of Luke standing in the doorway of the kitchen, a concerned look on his face.

"I want my littles back, Raelyn, all of them," Melody said, her tone stern, threatening.  
"It might be a good thing, Rae," Mitch said softly, "You deserve to have your life back."  
"You're kidding me right now, right?" Rae practically screamed. "She shows up once every two years, normally with a new fucking baby in tow, then drops them in my fucking lap to raise and you want me to hand them back to her like she's some kind of fucking mother?"  
"Rae," Mitch warned. "She's _our_ mother."  
"Yeah, our crack-head, whore of a fucking flake mother. The same mother who couldn't be bothered to take Lukas to the hospital when he had a fever of 103 when he was 2. The same mother who hasn't been steadily in any of these kids' lives since the day they were born! The same mother who left her youngest at a fucking truck stop! Damnit Mitch!" Rae had angry tears in her eyes at this point.  
"I'll take you to court for them," Melody growled, her tone no longer taunting. Rae looked at her with shocked eyes. "I want them all back."  
"Lizzy would want us to give her another chance," Beth spoke up. Rae shot a look at her sister, her heart torn. "Lizzy always said mom would come back."  
"Lizzy is fucking dead, Bethany. Lizzy isn't here to pick up the fucking pieces when this crazy piece of shit decides to up and leave again!"  
"Raelyn! Enough!" Mitch's tone caught her off guard. He took a step towards her, his own hands balled into fists. For a split second, Rae silently dared him to hit her. She would have loved to lay her older brother out on his ass. Rae felt someone grab her arm and only then realized Lip had come up beside her.  
"C'mon," he hissed in her ear. Rae felt herself fight against his grip, but he didn't let go. "Not worth it."

"You want to give her another chance? Fine! I'm done, don't you dare call me to pick up the pieces. I'm fucking done, you understand me?" Rae screamed at her brother. "But Nikola is mine!"  
"Who?" Melody looked at Rae with a stunned look. "I only want Beth, Luke, Jay, and Al. Whoever the hell Nikola is you can have," she said, her tone so fucking irritating it took all Rae's self-control not to break free of Lip's grip and strangle her herself. How the hell could she forget her youngest child? Rae struggled against Lip's grip, but his hands held firm. She felt him turn her away from Melody, hissing something incoherent in her ear in the process. After another moment, Rae ripped her arm away from Lip and stormed upstairs, taking them three at a time. She felt someone follow her and didn't bother to turn around. She knew it was Lip. No one else would have bothered.

"Nikki's in the kitchen closet, I told her we were playing hide and seek and not to come out until you came to find her," he said quietly.

Rae said nothing, but nodded her thanks as she grabbed what little belongings she and her sister had and shoved them into a backpack. She grabbed a blanket and the keys to the van and gave the room a once over, only slowing her pace enough to grab a small piece of jewelry off of the nightstand the twins used to share. It was Lizzy's locket. Rae wasn't letting Melody get her hands on that.

"Rae, c'mon, don't go," Mitch called as Rae descended down the stairs.  
"The house is yours," Rae said harshly, "But the title to the van is under my name, I'm taking it."  
"Rae, come on!" Beth pleaded. "Give mom a chance!"  
"No," Rae said, turning to face her siblings. "If you want to get your hearts broken again, be my guest, but I'm done. Now I fully understand why Matty left."  
"Rae, please?" Beth tried again. "For Lizzy?"  
"No," Rae said sternly. "Mitch's right. This is my out. I'm done."  
"Family first," Luke said, his arms crossed in front of him. "You always said it was family first."  
"Not when the family's against me," Rae growled. " _I_ sat up with every single one of you when you've been sick. _I_ am the one thousands of dollars in debt due to doctor's bills. _I'm_ the one who cleaned up blood, puke, piss, shit and so many other things from every single one of you. This bitch shows up and suddenly she's mom of the goddamn year? Fuck that! I went to every parent teacher conference. Every single concert or game or whatever the fuck other things you all had going on. I came up with the cash for field trips and movies and everything! I paid for diapers for damn near all of you! So no. You don't get to use that bullshit against me."  
"You did good, Rae-bird. But I'm home now. Mommy's home," Melody said, her tone so sickly sweet, Rae actually thought she was going to puke. "Mommy's back."  
"Go fucking die somewhere, Melody," Rae yelled. Lip realized if he didn't diffuse the situation soon, Rae might do something she'd regret. He tugged at her arm until she broke her hateful stare with her mother. She gave each sibling a silent goodbye before letting Lip pull her towards the kitchen. Rae grabbed Nikki from the closet before letting Lip usher them out the backdoor.

"Where're you going to go?" Lip asked hesitantly. He considered offering her a place to crash at his house, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, they had just started talking, after all.  
"Milkovich's," Rae shrugged. "Not the first time I ended up there with one of the kids in tow," she added to ease the concerned look on his face. "Mandy's my best friend, it's not an issue."  
"What about school?" Lip asked. He hated to admit it, but he didn't like the thought of not seeing her in class anymore.  
"I'm already one more bad mark away from losing my scholarship. I never should have tried," she shrugged. "I'll see you around, Lip, thanks again for today," Rae said as she slid the toddler into what looked like an ancient booster seat. She buckled Nikki in with shaking hands before sliding the door shut, tossing the bag on the floor before doing so. She moved around to the driver's side, sparing a glance over her shoulder. "You know, if you put your mind to it, you can get out. You're not like my family or Mickey or even Kev. You're smart, you can go places if you tried hard enough. Lay off the booze and get your nose in the books."

Lip was about to say something, but it was too late. Rae started the van and tore off without another word. Little did either of them know that their paths would cross again, much sooner than either of them expected.


	6. Chapter 6

Mickey was sitting on his front steps when he saw Rae's van approach. As soon as she stepped out of the van, the little kid in her arms, he cursed.

"Mandy home?" she called as she grabbed a jacket for the kid out of the bag at her feet.  
"Yeah," he muttered. "Why?"  
"Need to crash a few nights. I have cash, don't worry," she called as she set the kid down on the pavement. Nikki looked up at her sister with a tired expression.  
"Not here," Nikki moaned. Nikki was terrified of Mickey's older brothers, Iggy and Colin.  
"We don't have much of a choice, kiddo," Rae said with a sigh. She didn't like it any more than her little sister did. Just as Rae was about to move towards the steps, Mandy came outside, a concerned look on her face.  
"Lip just called, gave me the heads up that you were coming," she said quickly. "Are you okay? Jesus Christ, here I thought no one could be more ruthless than our ol' man," she added quickly.  
"Terry doesn't have anything on my mother," Rae sighed. "I've got a couple hundred bucks on me, that enough to get us a patch of hardwood for a few nights?"  
"Don't be stupid," Mandy scoffed. "It's almost winter, I'm not about to let that little cutie freeze to death."  
"Momma, please?" Nikki cried as Rae scooped up the petrified toddler.  
"Nikola, it's here or we freeze in the van. God knows the heater hasn't worked in years. I kind of like you having ten fingers and toes," she replied gently, kissing the little girl's outstretched fingers. Nikki finally nodded, seeming to sense that it wasn't up for debate.

After Nikki was settled into a pile of blankets that Mandy had dug out for them, Rae stepped out into the cold fall air, her thin coat doing nothing to keep the cold out. Mandy was keeping an eye on the sleeping toddler, sensing that her friend needed a few minutes to wrap her head around everything.

"You look like shit," Mickey mused. He sat down on the step next to Rae, studying her pale, shivering body. "For fucks sake, don't you own anything warmer than that?"  
"No," Rae breathed, a puff of smoke freeing itself from her lungs. She held out the joint to Mickey as a peace offering. Mickey shrugged off his jacket and tossed it to her before taking the joint from her outstretched hand.  
"Pops is in a mood today, Colin had a run in with him at the Alibi," Mickey murmured. Rae knew what that meant. Terry Milkovich didn't exactly like the outspoken, built brunette. Not after the last time she broke his nose for coming onto her when he was plastered.  
"Shit," Rae moaned. She didn't have a choice. Either stay there and take Terry's shit, or freeze in the van.  
"Maybe he won't notice you're here?" Mickey suggested, but Rae knew it was unlikely. Terry was a lot of things, but he wasn't stupid.  
"What's the worst he can do at this point?" Rae muttered, snatching the joint back from Mickey, letting the smoke fill her lungs before exhaling heavily. "Ain't nothing he can do that my folks haven't already done."

Mickey tensed at her words. He hated to think that her life was just as fucked up as his own. They weren't the sharing type, they always kept their conversations short, pointed, without emotions. He didn't let himself get close to people and she didn't let herself open up to fuck buddies. Hell, Mandy was probably the only person alive who knew everything Rae and her siblings had gone through, all they'd done just to keep a roof over their heads. She was the only person Rae really opened up to, mostly because the two had known each other for more years than they hadn't.

"Fuck," Mickey muttered, rubbing his hands vigorously against his bare arms. Rae shrugged off his coat and tossed it back to him before descending down the stairs.  
"Tell Mandy I'll be back in an hour, keep Nikki away from the boys," she called over her shoulder. "Gotta make sure ol' man Ricky doesn't owe anyone anything. Willing to bet the pigs picked him up by now."  
"Rick's almost as bad as Frank," Mickey reminded her. "Hell, he probably owes _Frank_ money."  
"Frank ain't a problem," Rae said tiredly. "'Member last time he owed your old man cash? Not really looking for that trouble again."

Mickey grunted. The last time Rick Quinn owed Terry money, Terry had Colin and Iggy kidnap Rae and hold her for ransom. It ended with Rae trading in almost everything the family owned, just to buy her life. Mickey still held a grudge against his brothers for that move. Despite everything, Rae didn't deserve to pay back her father's debts.

Rae made her way down to the Alibi Room, knowing full and well Kev wouldn't charge her for her usual drinks. She slid onto her usual stool and waited for him to see her. When he did, he approached with wary eyes.

"Spit it out, Kev," Rae said. Her head was throbbing from the night before, her nerves on edge. "Who's he owe this time?"  
"Cops picked him up last night," Kev said hesitantly. "Terry mentioned that the idiot owes him money again."  
"Jesus Christ," Rae grumbled. She looked around the bar and saw Terry huddled in the corner by the pool tables. She sighed and downed her glass of beer in two gulps before walking over to the vicious, hateful man. She stood with her arms crossed in front of her, her eyes cold as she nudged his chair with her foot.

"The fuck you want, Quinn?" Terry growled, a cigarette dangling precariously in his mouth.  
"How much?" she sighed, running her hands through her hair. "How much this time?"  
"Ain't coming after you again," he shrugged, paying her little mind. "Got my boys on the inside working on that."  
"You're…" Rae stared at him, a stunned expression on her face. "What?"  
"Ain't wasting my time on you again," he shrugged. "You keep my boy in line, I like that. Respect it even. Ain't gonna fuck that up."

Rae didn't know what to say. Instead, she turned on her heel, catching Kev's troubled look as she slid back onto the stool. She shook her head, downing the shot Kev had poured for her, before waving goodbye. She took the long way back to the Milkovich house, in no hurry to return to reality. Instead, she found herself pondering what Terry had said. She had nothing to do with Mickey keeping his shit together. That was all Ian. Rae was one of the few people who knew about the couple and despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but feel happy for them. Ian was good for Mickey. Ian also knew that the two fucked from time to time to keep up appearances, especially since Terry and his older sons were as homophobic as it came.

When she reached the house, she wasn't the least bit surprised to see Mickey sitting on the steps again. From where he sat, he could see the blue tint to her lips, the ashy color to her cheeks.

"Fuck, Rae, are you trying to freeze to death?" he growled as he reached behind him, retrieving the blanket he had brought outside, just in case. Rae hurried up the steps and wrapped it around herself, shivering violently.  
"Pretty sure hell froze over," she muttered as she blew into her frozen hands. Mickey watched her for a moment, his eyebrows raised, waiting for her to continue. "The day Terry Milkovich says he respects me is the day hell freezes over."

Mickey stared at her with wide eyes, unsure what to say. He appreciated Rae for helping keep up the impression that they were a thing, even full and well knowing that they weren't, though he never expected his old man to see her that way.

"Said I keep you in line," she forced a laugh, which quickly got cut off by a rough cough.  
"Inside," Mickey grumbled, grabbing her by the wrist, pulling her to her feet with little effort. "Before you get sick."  
"Yes, mom," she huffed. She wasn't in the mood to argue. The events of the last twenty-four hours had finally caught up with her and she barely made it to Mandy's room before sleep took over. As soon as she landed next to Nikki on the floor, she was sound asleep, her breathing raspy against the toddler's hair.

"What happened?" Mandy asked, throwing a hopeless glare at Mickey, who thumbed his lip, studying her silently.  
"Hell froze over."

Mandy stared at him with wide eyes, knowing nothing good could come out of their father's kindness. Terry didn't do kind.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Rae was struggling to keep her eyes open as she tied a pale purple ribbon in Nikki's hair before pushing her own hair into a messy bun. She pulled on a black long sleeve shirt she had borrowed from Mandy before slipping on the same worn out pair of black skinny jeans that she'd been wearing for the last week.

"What's a nu-er-al?" Nikki sounded out, looking at her sister with wary eyes.  
"Funeral," Rae corrected half-heartedly, her voice thick and raspy. She knelt down and placed a kiss on the top of the toddler's head. Mandy looked up from her perch in front of the mirror, catching the exhausted tone in her friend's voice. "It's where people say goodbye to someone for the last time."  
"Okay," Nikki nodded. She seemed to sense her sister wasn't in the mood for questions.  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Mandy asked softly, watching as Rae slipped a thick coat around Nikki's body. Rae said nothing, just simply bobbed her head.  
"It's not like I can just skip it," Rae muttered, silently admitting that the thought had crossed her mind. She wasn't a funeral person – funerals made her hate life just a little bit more. She knew if she didn't show up, she'd be giving her mother one more thing to use against her.  
"Mickey said he'll come. You know, in case shit turns south again," Mandy said, offering a sympathetic smile that Rae didn't see. Rae bobbed her head again, looking at her youngest sister with a half-hearted smile. She pulled the little girl in for a tight hug, her heart heavy in her chest.  
"Once this is over, I'm going to get so damn drunk I forget anyone ever existed," she muttered to herself. Debbie had already agreed to take Nikki overnight for Rae so she could have a night to get herself together. She made a mental note to thank Fiona a million times for letting her sister sit for her. Rae knew how Fiona felt about Debbie watching kids overnight, but she also knew Fiona had a heart of gold, despite her badass demeanor.

Mandy watched her friend finish getting ready quietly. She was worried. She'd never seen Rae look so awful, so pale and broken before. Even when they were kids and Rae was trying to keep all the little ones safe, she never looked so damn worn out. Mandy worried that her friend might finally be breaking under the pressure of everything that had happened.

Once the three girls were dressed, they made their way into the living room, where they found Mickey fumbling with a tie. Without saying anything, Rae walked up to him and tied it for him with ease. Mickey muttered something incoherent under his breath, but Rae paid him no mind.

She shoved Nikki out of the front door, towards the van. Mickey and Mandy would take the beater, since they better than to try and say anything to Rae when she was in a mood. Once the pair were safely in the car, Mandy turned to Mickey with troubled eyes.

"She's going to snap," she said, her voice steady though her hands balled into fists. "I've never seen her like this before."  
"I know," Mickey grumbled, thumbing at his lip, a habit that annoyed the hell out of his younger sister. "I still don't get how we got mixed up in all her shit."  
"She's practically family, Mick," Mandy reminded him coldly. Sometimes Mickey really got under her skin. "Besides, it's not like you had shit else to do today."

Mickey couldn't argue with that. He'd have just spent the day drinking himself numb if he wasn't playing security at Rae's kid sister's damn funeral.

They approached the church a little while later, not the least bit surprised to see Rae standing alone near the bushes, Nikki locked her in arms, a cigarette dangling from her lips. Once parked, they joined her, both remaining silent as Rae looked back towards the church.

"I didn't even know we knew this many people," she scoffed as she motioned towards the crowd of people walking into the church, all clad in black and grey clothing. "I swear, half of Chicago showed up."  
"Maybe that's a good thing?" Mandy offered helplessly. She could see the conflict in Rae's eyes. "C'mon."

Rae followed Mandy into the church, Nikki still locked in her arms as they made their way down the crowded aisle, towards the front of the church where Lizzy's closest friends and family were seated. Rae felt eyes on her as she passed her mother without saying a single word to her.

"Why is she here?" she heard someone hiss bitterly. Rae turned in time to see Beth glaring at her, her eyes showing nothing but hate. Rae felt her insides churn as she sat down next to Mandy, only the slightest bit aware when Mickey sat down next to her, scrubbing his face with his hands.

Rae stared towards the front as the funeral direction read something from the note cards in front of him, not at all taking in anything he had said. What seemed like an eternity later, he invited family and friends to speak.

Rae sat silently while her siblings began filing towards the pedestal, one at a time, each with red rimmed eyes. They shared happy memories of Lizzy. How her smile could light up a room, how she would give the shirt off her back to a perfect stranger, how her laugh was like able to cheer even the angriest person up. As each sibling said their goodbyes, Rae started to rise, but Melody rose faster, shooting a bitter glare at her oldest daughter.

"My sweet, sweet Elizabeth, from the moment she was laid in my arms, I knew she was special. All of my littles were special, but Elizabeth…Elizabeth was the perfect child. She was strong and smart and beautiful in ways words cannot describe. Despite everything she went through, she always wore a smile, always saw the good in people and in life. It truly is a shame, that the one person who was supposed to be protecting her, looking out for her, keeping her safe, wasn't there when she needed her to be most," her mother rattled off, her voice sending waves of nausea through Rae's stomach. "My biggest regret is having trusted my oldest daughter to keep Elizabeth safe," Melody continued. Rae felt her stomach turn to a brick of ice. Without warning, she pushed Nikki into Mandy's lap, her hand clamped over her mouth as she shoved Mickey out of the way. She didn't pay attention to the startled gasped and angry whispers that followed her as she ran from the church, only narrowly making it to the bushes in time to discard what little was in her stomach. The icy breeze eased the heat that rushed to her face as bitter tears rolled down her cheeks, her shoulders heaving as another wave hit her. Moments later, she felt a hand on the small of her back, causing her to stumble forward.

"Whoa, hey," a soft voice soothed. Rae turned slightly, her vision blurry. Her eyes traced the face only inches from hers and after a few desperate moments, she realized it was Lip. "You okay?" Rae shook her head, not trusting herself to talk. She didn't know any of the Gallagher's were coming to the funeral, but it shouldn't have surprised her considering Debbie was picking Nikki up straight after the service.

Lip gently led Rae towards the bench a few feet away before shrugging off the jacket he was wearing, pulling it loosely around Rae's thin frame. He had to admit, she looked like absolute shit. He hesitated for a moment, before reaching around to the pocket of the jacket, retrieving a flask from within.

"Drink?" he offered softly. Rae nodded gratefully and took a long sip, letting the warm, bitter liquid burn away the sour taste in her mouth. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice gentle, almost as if he were talking to a wounded animal.  
"For what?" Rae asked, her voice thick, raspy, like she hadn't had a sip of water in months. "What the fuck are you sorry for?"

Lip didn't know how to respond. Just as he was trying to find words, he saw Mickey approaching, a disgusted look on his face.

"Your mother is a fucking cunt," he grumbled as he sat down next to Rae, his hands quickly scrubbing at his face. He spared a glance at Lip but didn't really acknowledge him. Mickey couldn't stand Ian's pretentious prick of an older brother. "You good?"  
"Nope," Rae deadpanned, her eyes glistening against the pale sunlight. "Not even a little."  
"Want to get out of here?" Mickey offered. Lip was about to object, but decided against it. He cleared his throat, his hand lingering on Rae's shoulder.  
"Could always cool off at my place," he offered, giving Mickey a reassuring look that he could come too, since he felt the need to play bodyguard.  
"No," Rae said softly. She snatched the flask back from Lip without thinking and took a long sip, letting the liquid give her the courage she needed to walk back into that church. As the numb began to wash over her, she tossed Lip his jacket back before storming back into the church, her hands curled into fists.

"Fucking aye," Mickey groaned as he rushed after her, not sure if she was going to do something stupid. He froze when he saw Rae make her way towards the pedestal, Nikki now hitched recklessly on her hip. Mandy shot him a worried look, but Mickey wasn't sure what he could do at that point.

"Lizzy was my rock," Rae said, her voice even raspier than before. "Lizzy, she could come up with a plan on a whim and run with it. She was brave and brilliant and a hell of a lot nicer than anyone else I know," she continued, her eyes settling on her mother who was pretending to cry on Mitch's shoulders. "When Melody abandoned us for the last time, dropping this beautiful, bright little girl in my lap, Lizzy was right there to help me figure out how the hell we were going to raise a newborn in our crazy, chaotic world," she hugged Nikki closer to her body. "Lizzy was forgiving to a fault. She'd forgive anyone who ever did her wrong and _that_ is why we're saying goodbye today. We're saying goodbye because instead of Melody keeping her fucking kids safe, instead of leaving the bastard who hurt her _precious littles_ time and time again, she left us to pick up the pieces and Lizzy, being Lizzy, give him another chance to do just that. _I_ gave up everything to keep these kids safe, every single last one of them. But instead of thanking me, Melody blamed me for something I had zero control over. Lizzy, I loved you from the moment Melody dropped you in my lap, but god help me, you were too fucking soft for this fucked up world. I can only hope you're able to rain some sunshine down on this godforsaken place from wherever the hell you are now."

Rae's eyes filled with tears as she scanned the faces of her siblings one at a time, before stepping down, walking right up to Melody, her face grim.

"Nikola is you're youngest, remember? The tiny baby you left at a fucking truck stop?" she growled, kneeling down so she was level with her mother's face. Mickey tensed, not sure if things were about to turn ugly. "Time to step up, _mommy dearest_. They're all your problem now."

Without another word, Rae dropped Nikki into Melody's lap, a broken expression on her face. Mandy gasped from where she sat, her hand flying to her mouth. Nikki let out a shrill cry, her hands gripping at Rae's shirt. Rae pulled away roughly, her face paler than Mandy had ever seen before. Mickey thumbed his lip, staring at Rae awkwardly. He knew how much she loved that kid. He couldn't wrap his head around why he just watched her hand the baby off like she meant nothing to her. When Rae rose, he could see her hands trembling as she rushed down the aisle, pushing past him bitterly, sending his back against the wall. All eyes were wide as everyone witnessed what had just happened. No one said anything, no one made a move. Except one person. One person had been able to break from their daze and follow after Rae, just in time to see her break into a sprint in the general direction of the nearest bar.


	8. Chapter 8

Rae was unaware that she had been followed as she stepped into the dirty, rundown bar. She found herself missing the Alibi Room and its familiar low-lives, but she needed a drink too damn badly to be picky. She waved the bartender over and ordered a shot of Jameson, demanding that he kept the shots coming. She slammed a hundred-dollar bill on the counter, not caring that that was supposed to go to Mandy for letting her crash with her. She had zero intentions of returning to the Milkovich house, especially since she was no longer dragging a toddler around with her. She downed four shots back to back, not caring that the warm liquid threatened to come back up. As she reached to pour herself another drink, a strong hand pulled the bottle from hers, causing her to look up with bitter, red-rimmed eyes.

"Jesus, breathe between shots," a gravelly voice grunted. She made out Lip's features, though her vision was blurry.  
"Fuck off, Gallagher," she growled, though there was no bite.  
"Listen, I totally get what you're doing, but this isn't the place," he hissed in her ear.  
"Why the fuck not? Last I checked it's a fucking bar!" she growled, snatching the bottle back from him. She poured another shot and downed it before he could slap the shot glass out of her hand, causing the bartender to shoot them a dirty look.  
"Let's go," Lip growled, his patience already worn thin.  
"Get your hands off of me!" Rae yelped, pulling out of his grip. She mumbled something incoherent under her breath before storming out of the bar, her legs unsteady as she weaved down the sidewalk. Lip swore under his breath and chased after her, in no mood to deal with her stupidity, but somehow feeling obligated to do so anyway. He found he didn't have to chase her for long, as he rounded the corner of the bar, leading into a sketchy looking alley, he found her bent over, her shoulders heaving as she vomited violently. Lip swore again before slowly approaching her, this time his tone gentle.

"At least let me take you somewhere safe," he almost pleaded. Rae looked up at him, wiping her chin on her sleeve before shaking her head.  
"Ain't no where safe," she muttered drying. Lip studied her face in the dim lighting, his heart thumping in his chest. She looked so much younger than nineteen, her eyes doe-like, her hair matted to her forehead.  
"C'mon," Lip said without hesitation, wrapping an arm around her waist. She stumbled, but after a few blocks, the cool air sobered her up enough to walk relatively straight.

"I can get home from here," Rae said as they neared their neighborhood. "Don't need no babysitter."  
Lip hesitated before nodding his head, tired of babysitting a drunk teenager in the middle of the day. "Suit yourself." Lip wasn't in a good place himself, and he certainly wasn't going to let her make him feel like shit for trying to help. He watched as she stumbled off, never once sparing a glance back at him.

"Fucking hell," he muttered. He slowly followed behind her, worried she was going to stumble into traffic or something. Once he saw her round the corner that led to the alley behind the Alibi, he realized she wasn't going to go home. He sighed and watched as she entered through the back, clearly knowing that Kev often left the door ajar during the day. He figured Kev would cut her off when she'd had enough so he turned towards his own house, no longer in the mood to deal with anyone, much less her.

* * *

"You're cut off," Kev said a couple hours later. Rae had been there all afternoon, throwing back shots and downing beers like she was a grown ass man. He had to admit, she could hold her liquor, but that didn't change the fact that he refused to aid in her quest to get alcohol poisoning. "Who am I calling this time?" Normally, Rae had Kev call Mitch when she was plastered, but he had a feeling she wouldn't listen to her older brother in the condition she was in.  
"Ain't no one to call," she murmured, her head buried deeply into her arms.  
"Call Mickey," Svetlana muttered from her spot at the bar, "He's her keeper."  
"Ain't need no babysitter," Rae grumbled. She was about to stand up, but Kev's grip kept her seated.  
"You're not leaving alone like this," he said, his eyes tracing her face.  
"Can't hold me hostage," she managed to squeak out just as the devil himself made his way into the bar, a look of relief washing over him when he saw Rae sitting in a booth.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Raelyn," Mickey grunted, clearly irritated. Rae tuned him out as he said a few things to Kev before grabbing her by the elbow. "C'mon boozy, you've had enough."  
"Fuck off, Mikihailo," she growled. Mickey tensed, his grip tightening on her elbow. She only ever used his full name when she was trying to get him to back off. Under normal circumstances, it worked. That day, that day he felt nothing but pity for the distraught woman. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he knew it was his job to get her back to Mandy in one piece.  
"I'm not having Mandy up my ass because of you," he growled as he pulled her to her feet. "I'll carry you out like a sack of potatoes if I have to."

Rae grumbled but fell heavily against him, her vision dimming in the corners. She struggled to make her legs work, unable to comprehend why the room was spinning so damn fast.

Mickey managed to get her outside before her legs gave way completely. Mickey swore angrily as they both slid on ice that he hadn't seen until it was too late. It was late October, but for some reason, it was colder than usual, the sidewalks slick with ice.

"Get up," he moaned as he tugged at her arm.  
"Can't," she managed to mutter, her voice trembling. Mickey studied her face, taking in the greyish hue that had settled on her normally rosy cheeks.  
"Hey, keep your eyes open," he muttered, suddenly overtaken with concern. "Rae?"  
"Can't," she slurred again. She went limp against him, causing Mickey to swear bitterly. He scooped her up in his arms and carefully made his way over to the beater, grateful he had had the sense to drive to the damn bar instead of walking. He carefully pushed her into the passenger seat before quickly rounding the car and sliding in. He turned the car on, one eye still on Rae, who looked all but dead beside him. He peeled away from the curb, one hand on the steering wheel, the other dialing Mandy's cell.

"Did you find her?" Mandy's voice practically screamed through the phone.  
"Yeah, yeah, I found her," Mickey said, his voice shaking just slightly. "She's bad, Mandy."

He didn't need to say more. Mandy was waiting for them the moment Mickey pulled up in front of their run-down house. As soon as Mandy caught sight of her friend, she felt like she was going to be sick. Rae looked completely lifeless, all color drained from her face. If it wasn't for the soft moaning coming from her, Mandy would have thought she truly was dead.

"We need to sober her up," she said quickly as she helped Mickey get her inside. "Fuck, her hands are like ice!"  
"Stupid bitch doesn't own a fucking coat," Mickey grumbled as he shifted Rae's weight in his arms, her head resting carelessly against his chest. He was overly aware of how incredibly light she was and found himself wondering when the last time the damn bitch ate anything was. Mickey shoved his way to the nearest bedroom, which just so happened to be his. He dropped her carefully into the bed, removed her shoes and threw as many blankets as he could find on top of her before looking at Mandy with lost eyes.  
"Now what?" he asked, hoping Mandy had a plan.  
"Get water and a bucket," she instructed as she sat down next to her friend, her fingers tracing her face. "Rae, you gotta wake up," she murmured softly, concerned with how incredibly cold her friend's skin was. A moment later, Mickey came in with both items. He sat them down before rubbing his hands through his messy hair.  
"She's okay, right?" he asked, his tone softer than Mandy had ever heard it before. "She's just plastered?"  
"I don't know," Mandy admitted. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked up at her older brother. "I hope so."

Mandy and Mickey took turns staying awake with Rae that night. She didn't stir once, her breathing coming in raspy, strains gasps. Halfway through the night, she finally started to come around, startling both of them as she groaned, her face turning a slight shade of green.

"Don't you fucking dare," Mickey yelped as he jumped up for the bucket, getting it under her chin just in time. Mandy held her hair back as she threw up violently, gagging so hard, for a moment, she felt like her lungs were going to explode. Once finished, she leaned back heavily, her head throbbing. Mandy offered her some water, but she stubbornly shook her head, a decision she quickly regretted. The cycle repeated for the next hour, before Rae had finally lost all of the liquor that was in her stomach. Every muscle in her body ached as she leaned back, her eyes shutting against her will. She vaguely heard Mickey and Mandy talking, but she couldn't make sense of their words. The last thing she remembered was someone gently pressing something to her forehead before sleep took over. Even in her dreams, she couldn't escape the hellish reality that had become her life.


	9. Chapter 9

Rae woke hours later, her head throbbing worse than anything she had ever felt before. She groaned and buried her face into the blankets that were carelessly thrown over her, fighting back the urge to puke. She heard something shuffle to her right and forced her eyes open just a crack. Through blurry eyes, she saw someone slowly approach her, their fingers attentively brushing her hair from her face. She flinched away from the touch, completely unaware of where she was.

"Easy," a soft tone reminded her she was safe. She opened her eyes a little more and saw Mandy staring down at her, her face softening as soon as she saw her friend open her eyes. "Welcome back."  
"Mmm," Rae moaned, snapping her eyes shut again. A moment later, she felt a different set of hands sit her up against her will. She tried to struggle but it was pointless. She felt like she got hit by a bus ten times over.  
"Take these," A gruff voice instructed, pressing two pills into her hand. She glanced up and saw Mickey scratching the back of his neck, standing a slight ways away, his eyes tracing her features. "fuck, Rae," he murmured. He was going to lay in on her for being so stupid, but the broken expression on her face stopped him dead in his tracks. He swore under his breath and walked out of the room, shaking his head bitterly.

"He's worried," Mandy said softly, sitting down next to Rae, pressing a glass of water into her hand. "We both are. Svetlana is pissed you passed out in his bed."  
"Mickey doesn't worry about anyone but himself," Rae snorted coolly. "And Svetlana can go fuck herself." She swallowed the pills and took a long sip of water. As soon as the cool liquid hit her stomach, she felt like she was going to be sick again. She fought the urge to puke for a few minutes, before slowly rising to her feet and pulling on her shoes.  
"Where are you going?" Mandy asked, her tone warning her not to try anything stupid.  
"To find a fucking job," Rae mumbled irritably. "Then I'm going to go to school and see if I can a midterm with a hangover from fucking hell."  
"I thought you dropped out?" Mandy asked hesitantly.  
"Not formally. If I can somehow score a decent mark on my midterms, maybe I stand a chance after all," she shrugged, though she didn't believe a word of what she was saying. She knew she was fucked, but she had nothing else to lose. She had no house, no family, and the friends that she did have were questionable at best. Despite how awful she felt, she couldn't sit around throwing a pity party for herself. It just wasn't who she was.

Rae nodded her thanks at Mickey before hurrying out of the Milkovich house. She was almost down the steps when someone grabbed her thinly clad arm roughly.  
"For fucks sake, here," Mickey sputtered, throwing his worn, but warm, jacket to her. "And don't make me hunt your ass down again, clear?"  
"Thanks," she murmured as she shrugged the jacket on, letting the warmth of it ease the ache in her back. "I'll be back by 6," she added, shoving her hands into the coat pockets. Mickey watched as she stumbled away, silently wondering how the hell that crazy woman made him feel anything other than rage.

On a normal day, Mickey wouldn't have given two shits what she did. He wasn't her keeper and despite Mandy's pleas, he would have told her to fuck off. But given everything he'd seen Rae go through that week, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. He always thought no one's parents were worse than Terry, the cold, heartless man who had no problem having his kids do his dirty work, who had no problems fucking up his kids' lives and beating them senseless for stepping out of line. He never realized how wrong he could be. He took a long drag of the cigarette in his hand, really wishing Ian was around. Ian always took his mind off the bad shit.

Undenounced to Mickey, Rae had a feeling she knew where she could find the red-headed Gallagher. She walked for a long time, until she finally reached Boystown, and sucked in a shaking breath. She wandered from one bar to another, until she found someone she recognized, the same person she had been giving her bits of information for months. Normally she only used the faggot for information about her oldest brother's whereabouts, but after she overheard Lip asking Mickey if he knew anything about Ian at the funeral when they thought she went straight back inside, she sent out a call before she allowed herself to get piss drunk.

"Ruby," Rae called as she weaved in and out of the crowd. She never felt so out of place in her entire life.  
"Lynnie!" the scrawny man squealed with delight. "Heard you were dead!"  
"Wrong sister," Rae shrugged, hating the damn nickname. "You see a ginger twink 'round here lately?"  
"Hmm, only a few times, red-heads aren't my type. Curtis I think it was," he bobbed his head. Rae could tell by the glossy look in his eyes that he was hopped up on something, as was usual for the spunky, overbearing guy. "Goes home with some old dude most nights. Saw him at White Swallow a few times, haven't seen him for about a week though, his ol' man either. Think they mighta had a problem."  
"Listen, the kids just a kid, okay? You see him, you call me?" Rae said bitterly. She found herself worrying about him. Ian was a good kid who actually had a solid plan to get out of the godforsaken hood. She couldn't figure out why he would have left all that behind to give out cheap lap dances and head when he had a family who actually cared about him. "Tell 'im he's got people worried about him."  
"Will do," Ruby nodded his head. "Not askin' about Matty anymore?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.  
"Why bother? Matty made his choices," she shrugged. "He's still kicking, right?"  
"More than that, he's getting married!" Ruby sang, his voice full of excitement. "Real cute guy too."  
"Spare me the details," Rae scoffed. "Keep me posted."  
"Will do," he nodded, holding out his hand. Rae sighed and slapped a hundred-dollar bill into his outstretched hand. "Stay safe," he called over his shoulder as he disappeared into the rush of people who were crowding around the stage. Rae hurried out of the crowded club and quickly made her way to the train station, fully intent on getting to the damn college in time to take her Lit midterm.

With just seconds to spare, Rae ran into the lecture hall, breathless, with a headache that made her vision swim. She slid into a seat and sighed, wondering how in the world she expected to pass the damn thing when she couldn't even see straight enough to write her name.

* * *

A couple weeks later, Rae was sitting on Mandy's front porch when she saw Mitch approaching. She had been couch surfing for weeks, but always seemed to end up back at the Milkovich house, much to Mickey's whore's dismay. Svetlana, who was unfortunately the mother of Mickey's unborn child, made her point clear with Rae when she threw her against the wall, a knife to her throat, telling her if she so much as thought about fucking Mickey, she'd slit her throat in her sleep. Rae didn't care, she had zero attraction to Mickey and found it amusing that Svetlana actually thought there was something there between them. Mickey was in love with Ian, no matter how much he denied it. Since finding Ruby weeks earlier, she hadn't heard anything else about Ian's whereabouts, but she still kept her line of communication open, in hopes of finding the kid and getting him home where he belonged.

It was late, nearly ten, and Mitch had no reason to be walking in that part of down. Running really. Rae was about to turn and go inside when he called out, his voice broken, afraid.

"Raelyn, it's Lukas, Luke's hurt," he rattled out, his face ashen, his hair a mess. Rae turned, her heart dropping. Since Lizzy's funeral, Lukas had been the only one who bothered to check in on Rae from time to time, keeping her up to date on how things were at the house.  
"What happened?" Rae demanded. She flicked her cigarette aside and reached inside the front door, grabbing her keys to the van and the jacket she'd been borrowing before closing the door softly to avoid waking anyone up. "How hurt?"  
"He was shot, Rae," Mitch said, his eyes brimming with tears. "He was fucking shot."

They made it to the hospital in record time, neither saying a single word the entire way there. As soon as Rae ran into the emergency room waiting room, she found herself overwhelmed with too many arms in her face at once.

"Wha-" she stopped when she noticed that they weren't the only ones in the waiting room. Across the row of chairs, she spotted Kev and V quietly talking, behind them, the Gallagher's sitting in a tight circle, each wearing troubled expressions.

"What happened? How was he shot?" Rae asked, turning her attention back to her family before Lip could catch her staring. "Who?"  
"Mom made him move some product," Beth said hoarsely. "I was about to catch a train to New York to spend some time with Matty when Mitch called me."  
"Fucking Melody!" Rae growled, her hands balling into fists. "Where the fuck is she anyway?"  
"Probably still at the house," Mitch said with a wary expression. "We told her to keep Nik and Jay there…no point in scaring them…"  
"You left a five year old and a two year old, with someone who has no problem letting her fourteen year old push drugs for her?" Rae snapped, causing people to turn around, giving her an angry glare. "How 'bout you use that head of yours and go get them, huh?" Mitch and Beth shared a wary look before both rising, unsure what to do. "Now?" Al hugged at Rae's waist. Rae put a protective hand on Al's shoulder. "I've got Al, and I'll stay here."  
"Fine, yeah, okay," the pair sputtered. They hurried off, no doubt kicking themselves for being so fucking stupid.

After Rae watched them leave, she sat down heavily, Alanna crawling into her lap.

"Rae, things are bad now," she said softly. "Luke only did the run 'cause the heat got turned off."  
"Jesus Christ," Rae murmured. She spared a glance over at the Gallagher's and caught Lip staring at her with wary eyes. "C'mon, I'm gonna see if Debs can keep an eye on you so I can check on Luke, okay?" Al nodded her head and slid off Rae's lap, running towards the tired looking girl. Debbie pulled her into an embrace, shooting a look at Rae in the process.

"Why are you guys here?" Debbie blurted out, eyeing Rae hesitantly. She hadn't seen much of the Quinn kids since the funeral disaster.  
"Luke," Rae said simply, not wanting to drag the teen into her family's mess. "Better question is why are you guys here?"  
"Liam got into Fiona's coke," she deadpanned. Rae sputtered, a shocked expression washing over her face.  
"Fucking Christ, is he okay?" she sputtered, turning quickly to look at Lip, who looked like he got kicked in the balls. "Lip?"  
"He's…we don't know yet," Lip said softly, his eyes brimming with tears. "We don't know."  
"Fiona got arrested," Carl said bluntly, looking both concerned and furious. "It sucks."  
"Know the feeling kid," Rae sighed. She glanced back at Debbie, who was hugging Al tightly.  
"Can I leave her with you for five minutes? I need to see if they'll give me an update."  
"Yeah, sure," Debbie nodded into Al's hair. Debbie felt better having the little girl in her lap. It made her feel like she was doing something useful. Rae looked at Kev, who was giving her a strange look.  
"Spit it out," she said, irritated because she couldn't place his expression.  
"Just surprised to see you upright today," he deadpanned. "Mickey had to carry you outta the bar last night."  
"Yeah, well, time doesn't stand still for no one," Rae huffed before heading towards the nurses station. After arguing with the nurse for several painstakingly long minutes, she was finally allowed back to see her brother. As she stepped into the room, her heart sank. Luke looked so much younger than fourteen, wires coming out of his arms, his right shoulder bandaged, the steady beeping of the monitors making Rae's head hurt even more. She coughed softly, hoping to see him open his eyes. He blinked once before turning, a scared smile crossing his lips.

"Rae!" he squeaked. His voice sounded so scared.  
"Jesus Christ, Lukas," she breathed. She hurried to his side, planting a kiss on the top of his head. "You okay, kid?"  
"Mhm," he purred. Rae noted that he must have been hooked to a morphine drip, judging by the sleepy smile that played on his lips.  
"Who did this, Luke? Where were you?" Rae demanded.  
"Underpass," he murmured. He reached up with his good hand and held her tightly, tears creeping in his eyes. "I fucked up. I didn't…I wasn't…" suddenly tears fell from his eyes, a choking sob stopping him in his tracks.  
"Listen to me, I'll get the boys on this, you hear me? Ain't no one gonna hurt you again," she said reassuringly. "I promise."  
"No," Luke croaked. "Can't. They'll k-kill me. They'll k-k-," he broke down in bitter tears.  
"No way," Rae said softly, stroking his messy, curly hair. "No one takes a shot at my kid brother and lives to talk about it," Rae said, her tone strong, determined. "No one."

After a few more minutes, the nurse gently told Rae that it was time for her to go, that she could wait in the waiting room for the night if she wanted to. Rae nodded and slowly made her way back over to where she had left Al, not the least bit surprised to see that most of the Gallagher's were gone.

"Kev and V took the kids back to their place," Lip said softly, shifting a now sleeping Al in his lap. "I…I didn't know what you wanted to do about her," he looked down at the sleeping girl in his lap.  
"I'm going to take her home, I guess," Rae sighed sadly. "Apparently my fucked up family can't make sense of nothing," she added with a hateful growl. She scooped up Alanna, the weight unfamiliar, causing her to shift painfully. "Are you staying here tonight?"  
"Yeah…they won't let me stay with Liam but I wanna be close, you know?" he said. Rae nodded and rested a hand on his shoulder.  
"I'll be back around soon. Need anything?" she offered. This wasn't her first time sleeping in a waiting room waiting for updates. "A book? Charger? Coffee?"  
Lip shook his head, his gaze falling to his feet. "No, naw, I'm okay."  
"Okay," Rae said, even though she knew she was going to bring him stuff anyway. She slowly made her way through the busy hallway, the icy air biting at her skin as she loaded a sleeping Alanna into the backseat. She was about to pull off when she saw Mitch approaching her, a worried look on his face.

"I'll take her," he said softly. "Everyone else is asleep. Mom got hauled in, guess Luke had no problem ratting her out."  
"How're you getting her home?" Rae asked, her tone bitter.  
"Mom's car," he shrugged. "The heat's back on," he added in spite of himself. "Luke managed to get the cash before he got shot."  
"Glad that makes you so goddamned happy," Rae muttered.  
"Listen…I know you're pissed, but you're not going to call state, are you? I…we've got this under control…" Mitch scratched at the back of his neck, giving her a pleading look. "I…I know you said you weren't picking up the pieces again…but we're okay, really."  
"Lukas could have died, Mitchel. He could have fucking died. Why didn't you just call me for fucks sake? I could have gotten the damn money myself!" Rae was furious.  
"You said you were done!" Mitch shot back. "You haven't called, you haven't stopped by! When I asked around about you, everyone said you were drunker than Frank Gallagher most days! I figured you didn't need us anymore!"  
"You fucking idiot!" Rae screamed, shoving Mitch with all her strength. "Family fucking first! I would have fucking came through if it meant keeping that fucking kid safe! You know that!"  
"I don't know anything anymore Raelyn! You left! You left and I fucked up, okay? I fucked up!" Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he snatched Al out of the backseat of the van, his glare so fierce it could have cut glass. "I…We…"  
"Save it," Rae growled. "You made your bed, now lay in it!"

Rae climbed into the van and pulled out of the busy parking lot, her knuckles white from how tightly she gripped the steering wheel. She flew down the streets, breaking several traffic laws in the process. She didn't stop until she pulled up in front of the Milkovich house, her hands trembling as she pushed open the front door.

She ignored the whores who stared at her with angry glares as she shoved her way into the kitchen where she found Iggy and Colin sharing beers and passing weed back and forth.

"Where's your ol' man?" she demanded. Iggy nodded towards the living room. Rae found him sprawled out on the couch, a beer in one hand, the remote in the other.  
"I need a favor," she said, her tone rough. "Need you and the boys to take out a the thug who shot my brother."  
"Not interested," Terry growled, giving her a dirty look.  
"Scumbag shot a kid. I've got a thousand in cash and can have another two by Friday," she said quickly, tossing an envelope into the old man's lap. "Please."

"Boys!" Terry's voice boomed over the low murmur of voices coming from the other room. Iggy and Colin approached, their eyes locking on the envelope in Terry's hand. "Find your fucking faggot ass brother and tell him we've got a job to do."  
"Underpass just past 48th," she said carefully, giving Terry a knowing look. They knew the area well. "Luke said it was two guys, one black, the other white. Mid-twenties maybe."  
"We've dealt with them before," Terry nodded, giving her an angry glare. "Which kid?"  
"Luke, the younger one," she sighed. "The one who helped you and the boys last summer when Iggy got hauled off."  
"Shit, sorry bitch, we'll take care of it," Terry rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth. As much as Rae hated to admit it, being closely associated with the Milkovich clan had its upside. "He okay?"  
"He'll live," Rae nodded. "But he's just a fucking kid. He's not cut out for street life, he ain't like your boys."  
"Shit, that's cause your ol' man was never around to teach 'em the ways," he scoffed. Rae forced herself to keep her comments to herself as Terry rose, ushering the boys into the kitchen to formulate a plan. Before turning to leave, Rae felt someone grab her arm, causing her to freeze. Svetlana glared at her with an uneasy expression.  
"Mikhailo won't get hurt?" she asked warily.  
"Naw. Mickey's just the brains of the operation," Rae forced a sad smile. She knew Mickey knew how to take care of himself. He was one of his father's pitbulls, he never really was in any danger on any of his father's jobs. "He'll be good."  
"Better be. Or I kill you," Svetlana growled. Rae tensed but didn't say anything, just shrugged past the angry, pregnant whore and hurried back to her van so she could get back to the hospital as soon as possible.

As she walked back through the double doors, she found Lip slumped uncomfortably in one of the hard plastic seats. She sighed and gently nudged him, motioning towards the wall.

"C'mon, your back's gonna be killing you if you don't move," she said softly. Lip grumbled something incoherently, but followed her anyway. Rae slipped off her coat and tossed it over Lip's lap as he settled in next to her, his eyes foggy with sleep.  
"You came back," he murmured, tiredly forgetting that her brother was sitting in a hospital room.  
"Yeah, yeah I did," she sighed softly. Moments later, she felt his head fall onto her shoulder. She spared a glance at him before stretching out her legs, knowing she was in for a long night. She thought about everything that had happened those last few months and couldn't help but wonder if in some way, it was all part of something bigger. Like it was meant to happen somehow. She watched as people came and went in the waiting room for a while, before her own exhaustion caused her eyes to shut, despite her best effort to stay awake.

* * *

 **A/n - First off, I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, followed and faved this story so far! I truly appreciate it and it's given me the fuel to keep going! Second off, i just wanted to point out that from the beginning, this was meant to be a slow-burn between Lip and Rae. I needed them to face similar struggles, but in different situations to blend their stories together! Let me know what you all think so far!**


	10. Chapter 10

Rae woke some time later, her back aching from sitting against the hard wall. She blinked the sleep from her eyes, confused as to what was leaning heavily against her side. Once she became aware of her surroundings, she realized Lip was still sleeping, his head pressed into her shoulder at an awkward and painful angle. She nudged him gently, startling him awake.  
"What happened?" he asked, rubbing a hand tiredly over his face.  
"You fell asleep," she said in a hushed tone. She wiggled her phone out of her pocket and saw four missed calls from Mandy, three from Mickey, and one from a number she didn't recognize. "It's three in the morning," she said as an afterthought. "Go back to sleep."  
"I'm up now," Lip muttered, stretching his stiff limbs out in front of him. "What's wrong?" he noticed the way Rae stared at her phone. She was scanning over the text messages from Mickey.  
"Nothing, had to have something taken care of, and it all went according to the plan," she said simply.  
"Jesus, never knew you were in with them like that," he muttered when he happened to see Mickey's text. "Why're you in with them like that anyway?"  
"They're not all bad," she said carefully. "Besides, Terry'll have the boys do anything for a quick buck."  
"Sounds like him," Lip nodded. They lapsed into a comfortable silence after a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Rae was close to falling asleep again, when she heard footsteps approach. She looked up in time to see a nurse dressed in blue scrubs studying her.

"Sorry," she whispered, motioning to Lip, who was sleeping silently at her side again. "You're here for, uh, Lukas Quinn, right?"  
"Yeah?" Rae shot to her feet too quickly, causing Lip to fall over with a grunt. Lip stared at her for a moment before his eyes landed on the nurse. "Is he okay?"  
"You might want to sit down for thi-," the nurse started but Rae cut her off.  
"Is he fucking okay? I already lost one kid in this fucking hospital, I'm not burying another sibling," she growled.  
"What? No, Raelyn, he's okay, he's not dying," the nurse stammered. Rae's hands were curled into fists at her side and even Lip had to admit she looked terrifying with her face pinched up in an angry scowl. "No, I'm sorry, this is about…uh…about…" the nurse was trying to collect herself. Rae couldn't help but let out a laugh as she studied the paperwork in the woman's hands.  
"Insurance? How the hell we're going to foot the bill?" Rae asked halfheartedly, snatching the clipboard out of her hand. She quickly checked off the boxes, something she could do in her sleep. They didn't have insurance and odds were, it would just be another medical bill in the never ending pile that never got paid. She handed the paperwork back to the nurse, a grim expression on her face.

"Work on your approach," Rae said lightly. "Don't tell someone to sit down unless someone is dying. Around here, not a lot of us have insurance. We're used to big numbers."  
"Uh, thanks," the nurse said, her cheeks flushing.  
"And next time, don't wake someone up for that, the paperwork can wait," Rae called as the nurse hurried away, clearly uncomfortable. Rae looked at Lip who had a comical expression on his face.

"You're intimidating sometimes," he laughed as Rae helped him to his feet.  
"It's still early, I think we're safe to grab some air before they let us see them," she suggested. She needed a cigarette and to check in with Mandy anyway. She was certain Mandy would be pissed she was waking her up at 6 in the morning, but Rae didn't care.

The pair hurried outside, the icy wind waking them up before they even had a chance to light a cigarette. Lip gave Rae some space while she quickly dialed her friend.

"How's Luke?" Mandy's voice rang after the 2nd ring. "Is he…Is he okay?"  
"He's okay," Rae said with a small smile. She could hear Mandy sigh with relief. "Did…uh, did Mickey say anything to you last night?"  
"No, pops took him and the boys on a run late, but he didn't say anything when he came home. He passed out before his head even hit the pillow," Mandy said. Her tone told Rae all she needed to know.  
"Good," Rae said softly, trying to keep the relief out of her voice. "I'll probably be here till they let Luke out. Haven't figured out what I'm going to do after that."  
"You know there's always room for you here," Mandy said sincerely. Rae said a quick goodbye before joining Lip on the bench he had found close to the entrance. She shivered against the icy wind, her fingers freezing.

"Everything okay?" Lip asked, studying her face. She looked exhausted, but more than that, she looked scared, like she was afraid someone was going to hurt her.  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," she nodded her head quickly. "Just worried about my brother."  
"Yeah," Lip scrubbed his hand over his face. "They said Liam was stable last night, but god, I hate Fiona so much right now. He could have fucking died."  
"Yeah," Rae nodded. She knew the feeling. She didn't know who she hated more. Melody for getting Lukas into this situation or Mitch for acting like things could have been worse, like it was no big deal.  
"Kev's mad I'm not worrying about bailing her out of jail," Lip muttered. "He thinks I'm being an asshole, but…but," Lip stared blankly ahead, but Rae could see the tears threatening to spill over.  
"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself," Rae said softly, taking his hand in hers. "I totally get it. If the tables were turned, I'd be doing the same exact thing."  
Lip cleared his throat before continuing. "I just…I know it was an accident and everything…but fuck, he could have died…he almost fucking died." Tears that Lip had been fighting to hold back finally spilled over. Rae put an arm around him and pulled him in for a hug, her own tears welling in her eyes. "He could have died."  
"Hey, hey, listen to me, he's going to be okay, you hear me? Liam's a Gallagher, you guys are all strong as fuck. He's going to be okay, Lip, I promise," she said softly, her tone reassuring Lip. She held him until she felt his breathing level out. When they broke apart, Lip quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks, a slight smile forming on his lips.  
"Thanks," he whispered. Rae nodded slightly, taking a long drag from her cigarette. "I just wish Ian was here," Lip said suddenly. Rae turned to him, giving him a quizzical look.  
"I can probably hunt his ass down if you'd like?" she offered. "I got a lead a few weeks back, I'm sure I can get someone to find him."  
"No," Lip shook his head. "Me and Debs saw him last week…he didn't want to come home…" Lip sighed heavily. "We can't force him to."  
"I sure as hell can," Rae said stubbornly. "Or rather, I know who can."  
"Mickey?" Lip asked, arching an eyebrow.  
"Mhm," she nodded. "Let's get through these next couple days, then I'll see what I can do. Mick's been a wreck since you came by and asked if he knew anything."  
"Really?" Lip never really understood the relationship between Ian and Mickey. Ian was too good for the rough, angry hood. Yet somehow, those two seemed to balance one another out in ways only they could understand.

After another cigarette, the pair hurried inside, both eager to see their younger siblings. After some persistence, Rae was able to get the all clear to see Lukas. Over her shoulder, she saw that Lip had had some success too, as he was no longer lingering by the wall.

Rae spent the day sitting and talking with Luke, assuring him that he was safe and watching him slip in and out of a restless sleep. By late that afternoon, the doctors assured Rae that he was out of the woods and as soon as they were done running some final tests, he would be cleared to go home, as soon as the next morning. Thankfully, despite having left her siblings with their mother, Rae was going to be able to take Luke home, thanks to the court appointed guardianship. On the other side of the hospital, Lip wasn't having as much luck. With Fiona in jail, he was going to have to hunt down Frank before he'd be able to bring Liam home.


	11. Chapter 11

As the weeks passed, Rae found herself growing closer and closer to the Gallagher family. Fiona had been released from jail and after pleading guilty, she was sentenced to probation, since it was her first offense. Even though Rae found it hard to get past what Fiona did, she found herself enjoying the older woman's company while she helped Luke get over his trauma.

"You know, you're lucky," Fiona said softly to Lukas late one afternoon. "Your sister loves you to death."  
"I know," Lukas said, helping Fiona fold laundry, a task that proved daunting with only one working arm. "I…I just don't feel safe anymore." It took a lot for Luke to admit that out loud. Rae was listening in the kitchen, her textbook spread out in front of her. It was her turn to watch Liam and Nikki, so she was trying to get as much homework done as she could. She knew Lip would be home soon and while she really didn't feel like being the bad guy, she knew she had to talk to Lip about childcare, since he still didn't trust Fiona with Liam alone and Rae had taken a job at a gas station for extra cash, so she wouldn't be able to watch him after school anymore. Beth was fine watching Nikki, but she wasn't up for the task of watching two toddlers.  
"Rae made sure you were safe, she took care of everything," Fiona reassured him. "What are you afraid of?"  
"I…" Lukas hesitated. Rae tried not to eavesdrop, but she was wondering how Fiona was managing to get answers out of him. Whenever she tried, Luke shut down.  
"You know, I get scared sometimes too. I get scared that Liam's not going to be okay, or that Lip is never going to trust me or forgive me again. I get scared because I don't know where Ian is, if he's okay, if he's ever going to come home. I get scared because Debbie and Carl are growing up so damn fast," Fiona said, her tone shaking. Rae smiled in spite of herself. Rae knew how that felt – worrying about everyone else. She knew all too well how much that could weigh on a person.  
"I'm afraid something bad's going to happen and Rae's not going to be there to fix it. She always fixes everything and it's not fair, but she does….I'm afraid one day she won't be able to save us anymore," Luke admitted, his voice quivering. "I didn't feel safe until she walked into that room. Until she hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay." For a single moment, Rae forgot that Lukas was fifteen. For a moment, he sounded so much younger.  
"Your sister is a martyr. She'll die for you kids," Fiona said softly. "I've never met someone so selfless in my entire life. She's like Lip in that sense. She'll protect and defend all of you until it kills her."  
"I'm afraid that's exactly what's gonna happen," Luke replied, sniffling. "I don't want her getting hurt because of us."  
"Hey, shh, she won't. She's smart. She knows what she's doing," Fiona reassured her. Just as Rae was about to walk into the living room, she heard the backdoor open. She rose, helping Lip carry in the garbage bag full of food he stole from the cafeteria.

"I think it's supposed to be meatloaf," he muttered as he shoved the tin trays into the oven.  
"I'll see what I can pull together tomorrow," Rae offered. "I'm sure we have canned soup left. I sent Beth to the food bank last week."  
"Yeah, okay, thanks," Lip said with a quick nod. "How was Liam for you?"  
"Perfect angel as always," Rae smiled tenderly. Nikki and Liam were curled up on a blanket, both sharing a coloring book. Nikki looked up as soon as she heard Lip, running over to give him a hug.

"Thank you!" She squealed, her eyes dancing. Lip threw Rae a confused look.  
"She's thanking you for letting her play with Liam," Rae explained. "Normally Beth gives her a book and tells her to be quiet. It's a nice change for her."  
"Thanks for watching him," Lip said sincerely. He smiled at her, his blue eyes shining tiredly.  
"We gotta talk about that later," Rae said softly, stroking Nikki's head. "But it can wait."  
"Okay?" Lip gave her a troubled look. Rae waved him off before grabbing paper plates from the counter. "Nikki, make sure those crayons don't disappear!" Rae scolded as she saw Nikki rolling them across the floor. "We're down to the last of that pack."  
"Again?" Luke chirped from the couch. "How do they keep losing them?"  
"Between our house and this one, there are more crayons in the cracks than there is plaster," Rae laughed. "Watch."

Rae knelt on the floor beside Nikki and rolled the pink crayon with just enough force to send it rolling under the floorboard against the wall. This earned a genuine laugh from Lukas.

"Maybe I can lift some tomorrow?" he suggested. Rae shot up, giving him a funny look. "What? I can't stay inside forever."  
"It took me hours to coax you over here…" Rae reminded him. Most days, it took more effort than it should have to get him to come with her when she went to the Gallagher's after school.  
"Yeah…well, you need to be able to study and I need a distraction, I figured maybe I'd take Nikki for a walk tomorrow, if that's okay?" he asked, his tone steady.  
"Must be nice," Fiona sighed, leaning back on the couch. Fiona hated being cooped up inside, though she did appreciate Rae coming by to keep her company. Rae hadn't told anyone that she had dropped half her classes just to be able to take care of Lukas, which meant after that semester, she would lose her scholarship. She didn't intend to tell them either.

Rae studied her brother for a moment before reluctantly nodding her head.  
"Okay, yeah, you're absolutely right," she said hesitantly, her heart skipping a beat. "I have to get shit done tomorrow anyway," she added, throwing a glance at Fiona. "You gonna be okay here alone?"  
"Not like it's anything new," she scoffed. Rae nodded.

Everyone gathered in the kitchen a while later to help Lip dish out the school leftovers. Nikki crinkled her nose when she saw the dog food looking meatloaf plop on her plate.

"Yuck!" She yelped, her eyes tearing over.  
"It tastes better than dog food, I promise," Rae said softly, mashing the meat up for her youngest sister. "Trust me, it's better than whatever Mitch it throwing together at our house."  
"Yuck."  
"Nikki, either you eat this, or you go hungry, you know the deal," Rae said tiredly. Nikki was never a picky eater, but after Rae moved out of the house and Mitch took over the food preparation, Nikki's palate changed and she became more and more wary of food that didn't look like food. From what Rae had gathered, poor man's slop and shit on a shingle were meals most days.  
"Please?" Nikki looked up at Rae with sad eyes.  
"It's actually good," Lukas mumbled with a mouthful of food. "Nik-Nik, you gotta eat."  
"No," Nikki said stubborn. Rae sighed heavily and picked up the plate of mashed meatloaf, scrapping it off so it landed with a distasteful plop on Luke's plate.  
"Waste not, want not," Rae said gently.  
"What about you?" Lip said, looking up at her with concerned eyes.  
"I ate earlier," she shrugged. "C'mon Nikki, let's see if Luke has a can of spaghetti-o's left."  
"No," Nikki moaned. "No, no, no, no!"  
"When did she get so picky?" Luke scoffed. He seemed to be enjoying the meal fine enough.  
"Probably since Mitch gave everyone food poisoning," Beth's voice carried from the living room. Rae looked up to see Beth walking in with three bags in her arms. "I come bearing gifts. Well soup. A lot of soup."  
Lip threw Rae a hopeless stare. He hated handouts and didn't want their charity.  
"Mitch burns canned soup," Beth said gently. "I promise, it's gonna go to better use over here."  
"No soup," Nikki moaned. She turned a little green. Rae sighed and lifted her out of her chair, her fingers poking at the skinny little girl's stomach as she did so.  
"Nikola, you gotta eat something," she said, coming down to the toddler's level. "What do you want?"  
"Pizza?" she asked innocently. "We not have pizza 'ince you left."

Her words made her heart break. Rae always managed to scrape together enough money to get a pizza, even if it meant cutting each slice three times to feed everyone. They'd do pizza at least twice a month, even if it was cheap, frozen pizza. Rae sighed and ran her hand over her face.

"Let's see if we can find pizza at the gas station," Rae said with a slight smile. "I need to put gas in the van anyway."  
"Really?" Nikki's eyes lit up.  
"Really," Rae nodded. "C'mon, Liam, you want to come too?"

Liam nodded his head eagerly. Rae threw a sympathetic smile at Lip. "Come with?"  
"I'll stay here," Luke said merrily. " _I_ actually like meatloaf," he chirped.  
"At least someone does," Lip scoffed before grabbing a coat for Liam. "Thank you," he whispered. He knew his family was tired of reheated cafeteria food. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was grateful Rae and her family were helping out.  
"Don't thank me yet. Frozen pizza taste like cardboard," Rae giggled. She pushed Nikki towards the door, looking over her shoulder at Beth, who was following them out. "I thought you were with Matty?"  
"Matt's back. He got an apartment over off Halsted. I came back a week ago," she shrugged. "He's happy, Rae, really happy. His husband is amazing too."  
"Might need to pay him a visit," Rae mused. She wondered if he came across Ian at all since moving back home. Last she knew, Ian vanished again, but she wasn't sure how reliable Ruby was anymore, not since he got into some hardcore drugs thanks to the night life he led.  
"Who's Matt?" Nikki asked, having overheard the conversation.  
"The one who got out," Beth snickered. "Shame really, Rae, that could have been you."

Beth's words stung, but Rae knew her place. She was good at what she was doing – keeping her family safe and helping Lip keep his running while Fiona dealt with her shit. This was where she was supposed to be, she could feel it.

"She's right you know," Lip said later that night, while they were cleaning up the kitchen. Rae had walked Lukas and Nikki back to her house before returning to tackle a couple loads of laundry before she called it a night. "You could have gotten out too."  
"Yeah well, I think I'm content here," Rae said, motioning to the dimly lit kitchen.  
"What was it you wanted to talk about earlier?" he asked hesitantly, handing her a wet glass. He looked at her with worried eyes.  
"I found a job," Rae said hesitantly. "The gas station down on 47th. Shitty place, but decent hours," she continued, watching Lip's face mask with confusion. "I won't be able to watch the kids anymore – I already told Beth when I got the call back…I'm going to be working 8 to 8 most days…"  
"What about school?" Lip asked, giving her a guarded, yet concerned look. "You've been working your ass off to get your grades back up."  
"I lost my scholarship, Lip," she said softly, turning so he couldn't see the sadness creep into her eyes. "Dealing with Luke and the kids, I couldn't…I had to cut my classes back to be here for them. I…They told me last week that after this semester, I was out. I next week."  
"Fuck," Lip said, scrubbing his hand over his face. With her back to him, she couldn't see the crushed look cross his tired face. He wasn't just upset that now he had to come up with another plan for Liam, but because he was genuinely enjoying have classes with Rae. She made the days less daunting. Rae turned in time to see him watching her, as if he was trying to figure out what to say next.  
"It's okay," she said quickly, forcing a smile to light up her face. "It means I don't have to spend the entire day listening to people go on and on about things I'll never use," she added brightly. "College was never really in the cards for me anyway."

Lip didn't say anything. He knew Rae was only saying that so he didn't feel guilty that he got to stay in school while she was forced to drop out because of the life she was handed. She put away the remaining dishes before turning to Lip, this time, her eyes sparking with something he'd never seen before.

"You know, it kinda sucks though," she said lightly, taking a step towards him.  
"Yeah? Why?" he breathed. He could smell the scent of her perfume as she carefully leaned in.  
"I was just starting to really like Lit," she said, her tone teasing. "See, there's this guy, and he's kind of amazing and I was really, really starting to like the idea of studying with him."  
"oh yeah?" Lip purred, taking a step forward.  
"Mhm," she murmured. Before either of them could register what was happening, Rae leaned in, her lips tendering colliding with his. Lip pulled her closer, letting her warmth ease the tension he had been bottling up ever since Liam's accident. For several long, blissful moments, they were lost in each other's embrace, their lips learning each other, their hands exploring one another for the first time. The kiss intensified and Rae found herself hungry for more. It wasn't until Rae's phone buzzed loudly that they broke apart. She groaned and pulled it from her pocket, grimacing.  
"What's wrong?" Lip asked, slightly breathless.  
"I gotta go," she groaned. She turned quickly, her mind still fuzzy from the kiss. She grabbed her keys off the counter and spared a glance in his direction before leaving. "See you tomorrow?"  
"Yeah, yeah, okay," Lip nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't sure what to make of what just happened. He watched as she hurried down the back steps, through the gate, and down the sidewalk to where her van was parked, in an empty spot between the two houses. He stepped outside and lit a cigarette, his mind racing a mile a minute.


	12. Chapter 12

Rae drove as fast as she could, her foot never letting up on the gas. She turned into Boystown so hastily, she nearly hit a couple as they went to cross the main street. Rae cursed under her breath before she parked the van and headed down the busy strip in search of Ruby, who had sent her an urgent text only an hour prior.

"Fucking redheads!" Ruby huffed as he ran up to Rae, catching her off guard. "You still lookin' for tall, red and AWOL?"  
"Ian, yes!" Rae said, a huge rush of relief washing over her. "You found him?"  
"Fucker broke my phone after I texted you," he grumbled. "He's fucked up, Rae, you sure you're lookin' for a kid with freckles? He's goin' by Curtis around here."  
"Yeah, freckles, decent build, looks way too young for this place?" Rae said, describing Ian for the millionth time. "I showed you pictures, dipshit."  
"I know," Ruby nodded. "C'mon, he's this way."

Ruby led the way through a crowd before turning down a dark alley. The music from the club still echoed, but Rae could see that the alley was mostly deserted.

"Some old dude had him when I left to find you," Ruby said hesitantly. "I didn't know what else to do. Good luck, babe, I'm not stickin' around to see you wrestle this kid into your van."  
"Thanks Ruby, I owe you," Rae said as she hurried down the alley. After a couple minutes, she located Ian huddled next to dumpster, his hair matted to his forehead, his body trembling against the icy wind.

"Jesus, Ian," Rae murmured. She knelt next to him and nudged him gently. He didn't stir. That was when panic set in. Rae looked around and realized that she didn't have anything on her to protect herself. She stood over Ian protectively before calling Mickey, explaining in as little words as possible where to find them.

Within the hour, Mickey's footsteps came rushing down the alley. Rae had shrugged off her jacket and wrapped it around Ian, who was still in and out of consciousness. He shivered violently against her side the entire time. Rae was frozen to the bone but she didn't care. As soon as she saw Mickey, she whistled loudly, calling attention to where they were hidden, wedged between two dumpsters.

"Fucking Christ," Mickey nearly moaned when he saw Ian. He collapsed next to him, pulling the redhead into his arms, his eyes glossing over. "The fuck happened?"  
"My guy said he's on a lot of shit," Rae said carefully. "Mick, we can't take him home like this."  
"No shit," Mickey said softly, not caring that Rae was staring at him as he gently rubbed Ian's cheek. "He's fucking freezing."  
"Not the only one," Rae muttered. "C'mon, the van's two blocks away, we gotta get him out of this alley."  
"Fuck," Mickey muttered. They spent a few minutes trying to get Ian on his feet with no avail. After a desperate attempt to steady him, they managed to shift him between them and make the painfully longer than necessary trek back to the van. As soon as Mickey got Ian in the backseat, Rae turned the heat up full blast, her finger tips frozen.

"He's breathing, right?" Rae asked, looking over her shoulder. She rubbed the chill from her arms in a weak attempt to warm up. "Mickey?"  
"Yeah, yeah, he's breathing," Mickey said softly. "Thank you, Raelyn, thank you," Mickey said. Rae couldn't remember the last time she heard Mickey thank someone. She turned to face him, only then aware of the tears that were streaming down his face.  
"We're even," Rae said softly. "You really love him, huh?"  
"Shut up and drive," Mickey growled, but his tone had no bite. Rae smiled before turning her attention to the road.

* * *

Three days later, Rae was sitting in the van, waiting patiently for Ian to work up the courage to walk inside. Svetlana had made it perfectly clear that Ian couldn't stay with Mickey, which definitely meant Rae had to finally admit to Lip that she helped in Ian's rescue mission.

"So, Lip's still pissed at Fiona?" Ian asked for the millionth time, still stalling.  
"Yes, now can we please go inside? My tanks running on empty and if I need to freeze my ass off for another second, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you," Rae grumbled. She was in a crappy mood. Her job at the gas station fell through, so she was back at square one. It didn't help that the state was threatening to take the kids again, thanks to Melody and Rick both being in jail and Rae being out of the house most days.  
"Okay, okay," Ian muttered. He shoved open the passenger side door, still hesitating.  
"They missed the fuck out of you, Ian," Rae said softly. "Go on, c'mon, let's get inside."  
"Why are you doing this? You don't even know me," Ian asked, the same question he'd asked a hundred times in the three days he was at Mickey's.  
"Because Mickey's like family and he has a thing for you," Rae said stubbornly. "And I happen to have a thing for your brother. So let's get this over with, please." She shoved him out of the van before sliding out after him, the driver's side door frozen shut from the icy Chicago weather.

As soon as they entered the house, Fiona jumped up from the couch, her eyes wide when she saw Ian.

"Ian!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "Where have you been?"

Rae left the two to catch up while she wandered into the kitchen and pulled out a couple cans of soup. She hadn't told Lip about anything yet, so she figured the least she could do for going ghost on him was make sure he didn't have to worry about dinner. Rae busied herself until Fiona came into the kitchen, a relieved, yet sad look on her face.

"So I'm not on house arrest anymore," she said softly, giving Rae a genuine smile. "And thank you."  
"For what?" Rae asked, stirring the soup idly. She wasn't sure why people kept thanking her.  
"For bringing him home," she said, giving the younger woman a hug. "Ian told me you had a friend find him. That you'd been looking for him for months."  
"Perks of knowing people all over," Rae shrugged. "I'm just glad he's safe now."  
"Me too, god, me too," Fiona said, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Raelyn, you're a godsend, you know that?"  
"I'm really not," Rae scoffed, heat creeping up her cheeks. "Taking care of people, drowning my problems by helping others, it's how I cope." As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted it. Fiona gave her a troubled look and pushed her towards the table.  
"What's going on?" she demanded. Rae could lie better than most, but Fiona had that motherly tone about her that made Rae spill everything without even thinking. After she told Fiona about everything that was going on in her life, she wasn't the least bit surprised when the fierce brunette pulled her in for a tight hug.

"You'll figure it out, you're like Lip, you're smart. You'll figure it out," she said softly. Rae wasn't aware she was crying until Fiona's fingers brushed the tears from her cheeks. "One thing at a time, okay?"  
"I'm not fighting with the state anymore," Rae said suddenly, causing Fiona's hand to freeze on her cheek. "I can't. I don't have a job, I'm still couch surfing and god knows I can't raise those kids on my own anymore. Mitch wants to leave – he got offered a job in Detroit. I can't raise five kids alone at twenty."  
"Sure you can," Fiona said. For her, the thought of ever letting the state take her siblings was unheard of. She fought tooth and nail to keep them under her roof for as long as she could remember. "You don't turn your back on family."  
"I'm not saying that," Rae said softly. She looked at the floor, tears in her eyes. "I'm saying I can't keep them safe anymore. I don't have it in me to keep going like this. Nikki, Jayson, Al, they're all so little still. They could get into great homes. Beth only has two years before she ages out, and Jayson…well I can fight for them. I can keep the two of them out of state homes if I fight hard enough. But the little ones…I'll be almost forty by the time Nikki turns 18. I…" Rae couldn't explain it to Fiona. Fiona was in a similar boat, but there was a big enough gap between Carl and Liam that she only had to really worry about Liam anymore. Rae didn't have that luxury.  
"Here I thought you were like us," Fiona said bitterly. Rae froze at her tone. "You should go."  
"Coming from the bitch who let her baby brother get into a bag of coke!" Rae shot back, shoving herself away from the table. Just as all this unfolded, Lip walked in with Liam on his hip. Lip froze when he saw his sister and his friend squaring off, both of them now standing nose to nose.

"What did you just say?" Fiona growled.  
"You don't get to judge me, Fiona. You have no fucking idea what I go through for them, all of them, on a daily basis!" Rae screamed, this time, her hands balling into fists.  
"Your ass I don't," Fiona shot back angrily. Fiona was about to lunge at the smaller woman, but Rae backed away, her better judgement keeping her from lashing out.  
"Not gonna have that on my conscious," Rae said carefully. "I'm not going to be the reason you violate your probation."

She shoved past Lip and left without another word. Lip stared at his sister with a mix of disgust and confusion on his face. Fiona glared at the door Rae had just walked through, hot tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. She blinked back the tears before looking at her younger brother.

"She's no better than the Milkovich's," Fiona growled before motioning towards the stairs. "Ian's home."

Lip stared towards the stairs but didn't move. He had no idea what had just happened, but he was torn between seeing his brother, chewing his sister out for whatever she had just done, or chasing after Rae, the only person to really help him through everything with Fiona. Picking the lesser of evils, Lip made his way upstairs and decided to let the two stubborn women sulk for a while, whatever they had just gotten into, it could wait.

"Hey, Lip," Ian said softly, turning so he was facing his brother. Lip stared at him with wide eyes. Ian looked so skinny, so sickly pale compared to the last time he saw him. "Catching flies?" Lip instinctively shut his mouth, though he couldn't spit out any words just yet. Ian flashed him a smile and stood, pulling his brother into a much needed embrace.  
"Glad you're home," Lip managed to whisper, all the bottled emotions, the anger, the frustration, the worry, the stress, all of it, finally coming out in a broken, relieved sob.


End file.
